Thetownend.com

Very simply, list five people you'd really like to see punched very hard in the face - childish, but it makes you feel a lot better on a dreary Tuesday afternoon.

1.  Gillian McKeith - you can't give health advice when you look like the corpse of a recently deceased meerkat. 
2.  Gabriele Marcotti & Spoony (counted as one, its my game)- for hosting the worst ever version of 606 - they don't seem to know anything about football.
3.  Nicholas Cage - for having no talent at all and appearing in the remake of The Wicker Man.
4.  Arsene Wenger - been an admirer for a long-time but now the smug moral superiority is really tarting to grate.
5.  The bloke in the next team to mine at work - his desk is only a few feet away and he really, really stinks, usually of stale piss.

No rhyme or reason to that, and I'm sure there are plenty more deserving.  Fun though. 

1. Russell Brand
2. Russell Brand
3. Russell Brand
4. David Cameron
5. Russell Brand

1. Piers Morgan
2. Piers Morgan
3. Piers Morgan
4. Piers Morgan

and last but not least

5. Piers Morgan.

I could probably come up with a few others, but he leaps to mind.

CJ from Eggheads.

1. Jamie Oliver
2. Bonnie Langford
3. Most MPs
4. Mick Hucknall
5. Jilly Goolden

1) Chris Moyles
2) Any of the 3 labour MP's up on expenses charges (2 punches if they squirm their way out of it)
3) Katie Price (for representing everything that is bad about this country)
4) Simon Cowell / Piers Morgan
5) CJ (good call Samdy, arrogant tosser, not you Samdy!)

stan collymore
peter andre
didier drogba
tim westwood
darren day

Dermot O'Leary - pointless twat.
Vernon Kay
Gary Neville
Alistair Darling

I agree with Billy Shears about Wenger - He just wont admit he's wrong.

Just about all the above plus.....

1. Ant
2. Dec
3. Celine Dion
4. Oz Clarke
5. Tom Cruise

1. Jimmy Carr
2. Russel Brand
3. Zane Lowe
4. Sepp Blatter
5. Jimmy carr

Jeff Stelling
Christiano Ronaldo
Jermain Beckford
Kimi Raikkonen
Ian Beale

Tony Blair
Gordon Brown
Rio Ferdinand
Jordan/Katie Price (or whoever she want's to call herself)
Joey Beauchamp

Simon Cowell
John Mcginlay
Sepp Blatter
Yeovil Red Dog  :soapy tit wank:
Nicky Forster

Massive, massive cunt.

This thread is making me really angry  >:(

CJ from eggheads
That cunt from REM
That fat cunt who was on BB and does the horse racing odds
Motorway middle lane drivers
Slow people who drive in the outer lane on dual carriageways

Patrick Kielty
Ronan Keating
Stevie fucking G
Jonathan Ross
David Walliams

1) Bankers
2) Taxi Drivers
3) Dentists
4) Coldplay
5) Chris Evans

No offence intended obviously

...yeah,and Chris Evans

CJ out of Egg Heads every time.....aaaaaaaggghhhh :doh:
Anyone who's every been on the Apprentice  :doh:
Adrian 'what's going on at the Madstad' Durham  :doh:
The two cunts who do Masterchef these days :doh:
The whole audience on Deal or No Deal.."oooh, I'll have box number 2..the lovely John..box number 18..the lovely Denise...etc"
"oooh, good luck Janet, you're a lovely lady" Everyone's so bloody lovely.....and then when they pick the 1p and the player has to kiss the person whose box it is and it's just hehehehillarious if it's two men! and then they all hold hands to generate lots of 'positivity' or something...FUCK OFF!!!!! I WANT TO PUNCH YOU ALL!!!!! (That doesn't stop me watching it almost every night though ::))

Did you change your list Adje? I could have sworn you had Keith Barron on it originally because I was going to say how random it was. I couldn't have imagined that could I? I hope not!

01. Tim Lovejoy
02. The Cast from that Envirofone Advert
03. DJ Spoony
04. Clive Tyldesley
05. Jamie Oliver

Ronaldo
Judy
Doore
Dappy
America

Dappy is a very good call. Might even edge out one of my five punches of Piers Morgan.

Good shout, especially the obese "wonga" cocksucker

Noel Edmonds
Paul Merson
Steve Claridge
Piers Morgan
Carol Vorderman

Oh right, that advert. God yeah. Punching's way to good for him..he needs to be dowsed in petrol and set on fire.

I will add the man from the Go Compare advert...

Amanda Holden
Steve Gerrard
Katie Price
Nicky Forster
Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker? You must be the first person I've seen write a bad word about him.

Explain yourself man?!

I don't mind Charlie Brooker but I can see why someone would find him punchable!

I can't stand him, don't find him amusing or interesting, and hate his stupid face.

Too many, but restricting to football... Jed Pitman, Andy Monkhouse, Scott Murray, Arsene Wenger and Mark Lawrenson.

1. Tony Blair
2. Gordon Brown
3. Bono
4. Geldoff
5. Gervais

yeah didn't think anyone would know him!

CJ from eggheads I would drag that cunts eyelid along a kerb
Pink.
Nick Griffin.
the head steward at the county ground who said he was in Iraq.
Diamandis. Would tie the cunt up and do his wife in front of him. Then punch him.

King of Tonga
Herthab
Yeovil Red
Leefer
And donkey punch JFW

Alan Green
Garth Crooks
Mark Lawrenson
CJ
Margaret Thatcher

2 for the moment

david fucking cameron (for a bit of political balance)
and on adverts all of the cunts from that halifax high five advert.

Admittedly this list is more a series of groups of people rather than individuals.. And sometimes punching might not necessarily be sufficient..

1. Anyone who deliberately cheats the benefit system or believes that they have preordained right to live off of the state.
2. Anyone who believes for religious or ideological reasons or otherwise that they are right to take the life of another innocent human being.
3. Those that facilitate or promote the above in other people.
4. Anyone who deliberately abuses a position of power, especially for personal gain. Bankers, MPs, Policemen, company directors etc.

Oi, leave me out of it! >:(

David Pleat.

Katie price
Graham Souness
Jamie Carragher
Kerry katona
all three of the "live at 5" presenters

Lauren Laverne
Adrian Chiles
David Pleat
Julia Roberts
Fearne Cotton

Edit: This is hard, so many people. Updated.

Sticking to football (and in no particular order)

John Aldridge
Steve Bruce
Ian Wright
Craig Bellamy
Robbie Keane

I'm stunned nobody had gone for the bitch before Scilly Red. My 5
Margaret Thatcher
Franchise Wankelman
James chinless wonder Wills
Mariah Carey
Whoever the wanker was whop refereed up at Wolves in the Semi Final of the League Cup and allowed Emlyn Hughes to stay on the pitch.

your display of self-restraint last thursday was magnificent

Ooh, Rafa Benitez.

Football List :
Ken Bates
Jimmy Hill
Ron Atkinson
Mike Dieinmyhandplease
John Motson

Jamie Oliver
Tony Blair
Ken Bates
Louie Walsh
Any policeman - bent fuckers

1)The woman who sits opposite me at work
2)Sussex
3) Jordan
4) Peggy Mitchell
5) a bloke in my office.

two more to add...

6) All white van drivers
7) All bouncers.....grrrr, I hate bouncers.

nigel winterburn deserves a good smack,and cashley cole.

Mr Russell Im not pleased that Im on your list!  :cry:

Cliff Richard
Michael Ball (the singer not the player!)
Cheryl Cole
That bloke from the halifax adverts
Alan Titchmarsh

1) Tommy Mooney
2) Andy Durso
3) david blaine
4) Jon Prescott
5) Gordan Brown

I have been told I look like michael ball.  Glad I've had a haircut.  Should stop you slapping me if you spot me in the townend.

-Gordon Brown

-Harrient Fucking Harman

- Half of Chelseas squad (seriously, has there been a more cuntish team in history?)

-The cunts who go on about acid erosion tootpaste and tell you what a good idea to use it it it. In the small print it says they are dental marketing execs or something. Why should I listen to you? its your fucking job to sell this shit! you're not a cunting dentist, now get the fuck off my telly shit breath.

-Any football steward

I'd punch Adam cunting Virgo - 5 times.

That fucking meerkat.  And anyone who thinks its funny to say 'simples'

My friend looks like that Meerkat! 

As long as he / she doesnt say 'simples' they'll be fine.

1. Amanda Holden aka the less interesting female version of Jamie Theakston
2. Piers Morgan - No explanation needed
3. David Cameron – Always reminds me of foreskin smegma
4. Michael McIntyre – Does anyone find him even mildly amusing?
5. Caleb Followill (“KOL”) – I’ve never been remotely bothered by the conveyer belt of tosspots in music but this fella is so far up his own rectum he’s licking his ribs from the inside.

1. Piers Morgan. I think he's been mentioned already.
2. Vernon Kay. Northern twat.
3. Jo Brand. OK I don't want to actually punch her. But she's a shit comedian with two jokes who keeps on ruining panel shows with her presence (especially QI).
4. Tony Blair and the entirety of his New Labour. Cunt.
5. Derek Achora. I have some residual energy to unleash on this scamster. He's just a shit Joey from Bread.

derek acorah is a great shout.what a cunt he is

Robbie Williams
Gary Barlow
Arsene Wenger
Nick Griffin
Michael Schumacher

Football

Joey Beauchump
John Mc Ginlay
Steve Mc Claren
That Brissol City supporter (Any one of them will do)
Jed Pitman
Pete Winkleman

Non Football

Diamandis
James Wills
Gordon Brown
Mandelson
Willie Bloody Carson

They just edged out Jedward

1.Tony Blackburn
2.Richard Madeley
3.Patrick Mcguinness
4.Joe Swash
5.The guy who sings go compare in that stupid advert.

Noone springs to mind   :) ......but if I'm crossed  :eek:

Oooooops forgot our esteemed King in waiting and wicked landlord of Cornwall & IOS - HRH Charles Windsor :rule:

Yes.

Don't actually mind the meerkat in the ad. Just people saying "simples".

Michael McIntyre was a good shout too.

I have just thought of Phil Gartside, what a wanker.

We have a winner, great shout.

Pretentious cunts who are up their own arse and suffer from a superiority complex.

There's too many of them to list unfortunately. (And that's just the ones on this forum).

Cop out - name and shame herthab.

I was watching Jo Brand on something a few weeks back, and she was asked what was the best heckle at one of your gigs? She said someone shouted out "show us your cock"

Yeah, those peasants are beneath me.

Some more :

John McCririck
Jeremy Clarkson
Hugh Grant
Clair Balding
Carol Kirkwood

Anyone who appears on Come Dine With Me.
Anyone who appeared on Big Brother.
Anyone who thinks Jeremy Clarkson is anything other than a cunt.
People who wear baseball caps.
Really short people.
Really tall people.
Average height people.
Fat people.
Thin people.
Average build people.
Scots.
Welsh.
Irish.
Most English people.
All other nationalities.
People who start conversations with me.
People who ignore me.
Good looking people.
Ugly people.
Hairy women.

There's more but I'll leave them for later.

people who make lists that cover all possiblities

People

People who criticise people who make lists to cover all possibilities

Id like to add my annoying obese boss - who trys any stupid faddy diet tip going then preaches to the rest of the office.

This morning he told us to all drink a cup of hot water with a slice of lemon as it "burns fat"

ITS WATER!!!!!!  ::)

Mike Diamandis (Actually i dont want to punch him, just wish him a slow painful death)
John McCririck
Katie Price
Peter Andre
Shaun Woodward MP (blokes a cunt)
Any Big Brother contestant
Gordon Brown
Tony Blair
Danny fucking Dyer

thats the last time i ever come and ask how you are then

cunt

 :D

1. James Blunt.... 2. Jamie Carragher.... 3. Louis Walsh.... 4. Spoony.... 5. Alan Carr.

1. CJ - cunt
2. Gary Neville - cunt
3. Davina MaCall - annoying bitch
4. Chris Moyles - twat
5. That big fat woman from the "How Clean is my house" show - fucking snobby cow
6. The annoying bloke sat behind me last Saturday who let everyone know that we were crap, playing Blue Square standard football, then urged Lucas to just hoof it 2 minutes later. And as we took the short corner that led to our goal shouted "Dont play it short they never work"
7. People who cant restrict a top 5 list to 5 people  :doh:

Chris Moyles
Jeremy Clarkson
Michael McIntyre
Sean Lock
Piers Morgan

Bald people

Surprised not to see Max Clifford along side Cameron and Piers Morgan

Like a threesome you mean...be a nice headline that.

Indeed  :D

Just saw that Envirofone advert. You summed it up brilliantly, that fat spastic made my skin crawl when he said wonga.