Thetownend.com

Here is my summary.

1. Melksham - Good takeaways but only because everyone wants to get in and out as quickly as possible. A few murders, dodgy pubs, shit shops and ugly women.

2. Trowbridge - Quite good shops, good Restaurants like Wimpy, some murders, reasonable women.

3. Devizes - Good coffee shops and pubs and supermarkets, good architecture (that means nice old buildings). A few murders. Average women.

4. Chippenham- The poor mans Swindon. No character to the place. Ok shops. Ok women. Ok College. Just Ok. Not many murders.

5. Calne. Hell on earth. Children suffering with mal nutrition roam the streets in just their pants. Women all have malaria.

6. Westbury. Better than Calne but only because of the White Horse. Pound shop heaven. A few murders.

7. Bradford On Avon. Nice place. Picturesque. The Paris of the Westcountry. Good women. No murders. Too many old people and boring.

Does JFW have malaria?

No but she probably roams the streets in her pants  :D

Thats put me off my lunch

stop trying to wind me up whoever you are!!

Shockingly I'd agree with most of that.

Devizes though is rougher than...a very roguh thing, or so I'm led to believe.

There are some lovely woman in 'The Sham' :D

Good;Salisbury,Malmesbury,Marlborough
Bad;Trowbridge,Warminster,Amesbury

  The arse end of Wiltshire is undoubtedly Ludgershall...with its little bolt on Faberstown, which I think was named after some Tory MP or something...who no doubt was something to do with publishing, as was Harold MacMillan.

 Faberstown is such a shit hole, that Hampshire recently gave it to Wiltshire without complaint..

My Uncle works in Ludgershall........hes a rear gunner in a milk float!

Bradford is a nice place.
but very very shit to live in, way too many old people.
there are no decent women. all to 'upper class' and up there arses.

I like Devizes...the canal and brewery give it character,agree with Reg about Lug..though there is a nice sandwich shop by the monument..dont like Chippenham as a driver its a nightmare and just dosnt seem to have any character at all....Salisbury is nice especially at xmas time.
Although Wootton Bassett is nice the people rankle me there..always whinging about shity Swindon,but doing there shopping there etc.

Devizes has braeside and thus automatically wins

Trowbridge is the only place in Wiltshire worse than Calne :D

full of Bristol cunts for a start.

Just after they lost at Wembley last year a Trowbridge based City fan once questioned my support for Swindon because I was born in City 'territory'. Baffled me, I challenged with to a West Side Story dance-off.

I won.

They are heretics and they know it.

We just dont seem to pull any fans from that town at all.

Thats good cos they wont allow fans in with banjos anyway.

They're all fucking shit. End of. Chippenham has a mainline rail station and I'm from there originally. So it wins. Just.

Behave yourself

Devizes has Waddies.

No further discussion required.

He's got a point you know

Calne has a  large commuter population and some think of themselves as  missionaries

Not a bad position to be in Sniffer!..welcome to the TEF.

Not in mid wiltshire, but Highworth is a god damn awful place.

I've been staring at your avatar waiting for it to move or change.

I'm going to give up soon.

Geographically Trowbridge is about 4 miles closer to AG than it is to CG, but is still a Wiltshire town. If I lived there  :ohmy: I would still support the Town because they are a Wiltshire side.

I've been waiting for yours to stop moving for a year or so now.

You must be really sore.

At night my shadow takes over and gives me a break.

The blonde hasnt shown me how to light the bbq yet, watch this space.

It's the blow up doll I feel sorry for...

God bless the puncture repair kit.

Trowbridge and Westbury doing well in the vote then.

I voted Devizes as I'm a local and do love the place, although Cumberwell almost swayed me to vote BOA

I've lived in Chipp since 1966, which school did you go to ?

If you had posted this 20 years ago the it woud have been a close fought battle between Trowbridge and Calne as being the worst and Chippenham as being the best.

I used to be based in Chippenham which was a sleepy hollow with the highlight being Goldiggers.  If ever a copper got in the shit they were moved to Trowbridge so, at the first opportunity, I put in a transfer request to go there as I figured that anywhere else would be good. 

From a copper's perspective it was a great place to go, worst crime rate in Wiltshire with Murders, Robbery's and armed sieges gallore - I had more arrests in my first week than I had in the previous 12 months in Chippenham.

If Trowbridge was the Crime capital then Calne was the fighting capital.  Friday and Saturday nights in the riot van with a couple of coat hangers (Special constable's who used to hold your coat whilst you got the boot in) were always good nights.

sadly all the towns are much the same these days, it's only the level of in breeding that changes....

Which one is Bradford On Avon? Is it the one your bird forces you to go to for a "nice day out" on Sundays?

Working in Bradford I frequently come across people that are nearly dead - clogging up the roads in there big shiny cars driving at 2mph and the isles of Sainsburys buying sweet sherry

Its like a place people go to die

Most towns do seem the same.  I occasionally drive through central 'nam on a friday or saturday night at around 2am (on my way back from work), and have my car threatened by pissheads.  They do seem to be ready for a fight with anything.  A fortd escort included. 

A copper I know here was dreading going back to nights recently and the usual battle of chick 'o' land.  Same everywhere I guess.

Battle of Chick o land!! ace - SO true  ;D

Think I might be out in Nam Sat night!!  :-[

Well I should be arriving back in town at about 1am.  I expect to see you and your earmuffs waving a chicken kebab in one hand and a guiness in the other whilst trying to fight my car for being on a road.

that would be the classiest thing in the whole wide world

You should probably have some diet pills with your chicken kebab.

I remember having my head shoved through a leaded paned window in the Old Bell in Warminster Market Place...sort of wrapped around me......they were appealing for witnesses in the paper....my arse squeaked for a week or two i tell thee.

Is that near the Isles of Scilly?

'huish.

The Battle of Chick-o-Land, love it!!!! Is the Charcoal Grill still going after the turks were caught spunking in the mayo?

Its an Urban myth that every kebab shop spunks in the mayo!

No wonder im always thirsty in the morning!!

I've no idea what they do to the garlic mayo, and nor do I want to.......

they put garlic in it.

Good to see my birthplace and where I've lived the longest both on 0%

 :sherlock: Bet you're glad you moved to Newcastle?

Anywhere was an improvement.

Newcastle is great - only got about a year left before I return to the South West... Probably going to be Bristol though.

 :o

I see Devizes is doing well, has anyone taken traffic into consideration?

As far as I am aware the quartet of Stevie Winwood, Jim Capaldi, Chris Wood and Dave Mason never played in Devizes.

So no.

"Feeling Alright?"  :D

Ive thought of a plus point for the sham!

The bestest fish and chips!! - the chippy down union street?? I think thats what the streets called

Amazin!! never get them from anywhere else

Me too........  Til 1973.
Think Charcoal grill still there. All the customers are women now

You aint wrong jfw. Best chippy around is The Fisheries in Union Street. Also the best Chinese in Lowbourne Road next to the Library. Expensive but gert lush.

Traffic is good it means people want to go there.

I DECLARE DEVIZES THE WINNER

We now need a new thread - nicest places in Wiltshire......towns dont count..

It could mean people want to leave.

How come Melksham is ahead of Calne in the poll?......Oh I see, it's best and WORST towns  :D

Im surprised Bradford got as many votes as it did. unless its for worst towns (which i dont think so)

what made people vote for bradford on avon?