Thetownend.com

We've all done silly regrettable stuff when drunk, my clothing deficiancy antics post Cheltenham away last year have been pretty well documented. Of course there's all the other stuff as well, texting birds telling them that I love them and such.

So what are your best Drunken Meltdowns? We're not here to judge, some embarrassment can be humbling.

You pussies. Post about your shameful behaviour.

Guess mine was getting completely lashed on one christmas eve, getting home at god knows what time, having a whizz on my sleeping little brother, followed by a bout of marching up the road singing naked in the snow at 5am, I apparently then insisted on cooking an xmas barbecue breakfast at 6am dressed  in nothing bar a party hat. Stayed up, passed out in my dinner. Before finally no doubt to the relief of everyone falling asleep in the (only)bath(room) for 8 hours. I have never ever got drunk on xmas eve since.  Amen.

that is ace

Being sick over a woman's dress on the dance floor many moons ago on a new years eve, I happen to win £100 on the bandit and started hitting the pernod's mixed with lager,which then gave me illusions that i could dance, until i threw up all over the dance floor and over a woman.

All i can remember after that was being dragged out and dumped in the street,while my mates was fighting with the staff and some of the regs that dragged me out,all in all they end up in the cells i ended up at home in an unconcious state.

I did send a huge bouquet of flowers 2 days later to the club so they could give them to that lady.

Did you ever find out if the lady got the flowers?

You lot are rubbish. Everybody's had a drunken meltdown or 10. It's therapeutic to share and laugh.

I haven't, well not to your's and Yove's scale anyway.

Once fell asleep in a Birmingham pub toilet after getting stitched up playing spoof and drank 'some' shots. Got woken up by the staff saying I had to leave now or they would throw me out physically.

Mine would also be after the Cheltenham away game last year. I was very pissed and had a massive row with my missus, she ended up throwing her engagement ring back at me. It ended up with me walking home from town without having a fucking clue how I got there or how long it took me.

I remembered that whilst I was writing the first post.

Good day all round.

I've also got this one from Dell's "How do you classify being pissed?" thread.

My mate's parents were away for the weekend so we headed round there for a bit of a party. Another mate brought some drinks and gave me a near full bottle of Bells whisky whilst he takes a bottle of WKD. I proceeded to neck half the bottle because the effect wasn't kicking in, then when it did it fucking hit me big time. I ended up chasing a bunch of chavs down the road with a kitchen knife and tried to knock my sister's mate off a 5ft wall. My friends then locked you in a garage to sleep it off (again I haven't a clue how long I was in there) only for me to break out and puke up in the fish pond in the back garden at which point my sister calls my mum to come and pick me up and I end up in A&E being treated for alcohol poisoning. All at the age of 14. Brilliant.

Yes ben because it was workingmens club,so they knew who she was. 

But i still got banned from the club.

You should have a medal. Teenagers nowadays have no idea how to live it up.

My friend also once upchucked in a fishpond. the fish seemed to like it.

I once woke up in a police cell in san cristobel de casa in chiapas mexico, i had an arguement with my girlfriend in a bar when i was hammered and some local zapatista guys thought i was going to beat on her (not that i would in a million years) i thought they were hitting on her so i got all pissed up and jealous and protective and decided to take on these proper fucking nutters.

Local Police put me in the cell for the night for my own protection on insistence from my missus (who was a mexican), she thought they were going to kill me. I really have no recollection of this at all. so fuck knows what happened, just woke up in a cell and in the morning after giving the coppers mucho pesos had to leave town with my missus sharpish

Haven't you fucked off to Spain yet?

no waiting for something to download on my ipod

Mex wins.

Teenagers these days only drink those alcopops thing's,you need propper beer/cider/spirits to get propper pissed.

I cant touch cider no more after getting wrecked on it one night drinking that diesel shit,ending up in some girls house i did't even know.    

Cider and Tequila are the two drinks I won't go near.

Because they are rank.

How terrible.

i remember a yeovil meltdown that he has no recollection of whatsoever, it was actually the last time i saw him for a few years.

It was at glastonbury in about 1991, it was saturday afternoon and loads of us were sat around our tents totally fucked when yeovil appeared out of nowhere carrying a football. He wasnt camping with us or anything he just appeared, i hadnt seen him for a bout 4 months previously.

"Alright lads fancy a kick around?"

we then preceded to play football for about 15 minutes and knocked over/flattened about 30/40 tents in the process before without saying another word he just picke up his ball and walked off.

I didnt see him again for about 12 years :)

thats a true story and the fucked up twat has absolutely no recollection of it :)

You would't have said that if you would have seen her,and no i did't thank god i was to pissed to.

I wrote a Drunken Meltdown jingle for my friend (he's unsurprisingly dreading going back to visit his folks for Christmas). We were chatting about webcams and stuff, and he asked me to record something funny for him on my poundland microphone, whilst he was getting some munch. I obliged. It's a bit repetitive, yet quite catchy if I do say so myself.

[url width=200 height=59]http://www.tindeck.com/audio/image/b/ejrn (http://www.tindeck.com/audio/my/ejrn/drunkenmeltdown)[/url]

Yeovil is my hero.

I do like the melodies.

Did't nobody say anything after you knocked all the tent's down ?

Could use that as a ringtone.

Could - yes. Would - no.

I have some pretty bad ones, i'll skate over them with a lack of detail because they're very fucking embarrassing.

1. I was 17 and off my face. I woke up face down on a toilet floor, barely able to walk, jumped in my old fiat uno with too many people and raced to a night club pulling out my stereo and throwing it at someone on route. My licence survived, but shouldn't have. That was the one and only time i drunk drove.

2. Went to a girl from school's house party and amused myself by stuffing the home owners property, namely clean clothes, down the back of kitchen units, because it would be impossible to get them out. I later pulled the headlight covers off the poor girl's dad's classic car and hid them. I also put rizla in the parents pillow cases and set the tumbledrier and motocross bike on fire to prove that petrol burns not the object. Fortunately i was proven right.

3. Coming home fucked, hiding my laptop, forgetting i'd hid it, phoning the pigs to report it stolen, along with my old dear, then finding it later. (There is so much more to this story and it still makes me cringe with embarrassment.)

4. Throwing a bin through the window of a shop in town, running off and across fleet street, towards route 66. As i run across the road a police car was in the road (stopped i think?) and i threw a full can of coke at said car.

I'm gonna stop, because i'm remembering more. Some of these incidents have scared me off drink for months at a time.

One New Years' Eve when I was about 15, went to a house party, we're all stopping over. Fairly early on into the evening, copped off with this lass who'd apparently been into me for some time (yes I know, but it did happen sometimes back then, honest). Then we decided to rejoin the party, not be anti-social and all that. So I consume some more and then some more and somehow between rejoining the party and around 1am I've forgottten I've copped off with this lass and, erm, copped off with her best mate instead/as well. Next morning of course best mate claims she knows nothing about me having copped off with the first one and it's all my fault. Which it was to be fair, although I think she had more idea than she let on. Breakfast was a somewhat silent affair.

And about 10 years ago on a work weekend away in Barcelona, somehow found myself in a confrontation with half a dozen armed (submachine guns) coppers. Apparently I was having a go at them about something and had to be dragged off by colleagues. There's more to this one, but I'm leaving it there - suffice to say from what I've been told I was bloody lucky not to end up in Casualty or a morgue

i dont really have any drunken meltdown stories, certainly none to match the caliber of some of these tales!

i've been blown up by a calor gas bottle, and i've dislocated my knee but thats about it...

Many years ago I got pissed and felt awful - and still slightly pissed - the next morning.  Wifey reminded me I had promised to get rid of a load of garden rubbish, so I promptly set fire to it!  Unfortunately I used a can of petrol to start the bonfire, as soon as I lit the match, massive bang and a lot of singed hair and clothes etc.  Lesson learned!

I seem to recall Ralphy having a drunken moment on a certain away match last season!

all i've done is get massively drunk at reading and chase people round the campsite asking if they were toby and hugging them. the downside to this was i was also flinging crab paste at people simultaneously.

i didn't drink for the rest of the weekend, then for 6 years afterwards. it's ok though, i'm back on it now so hopefully i'll do something really fucking dumb soon. i think i tried to sodomise my mrs whilst battered this weekend

Haha, we've all been there (tried to sodomise whilst pissed, not neccesarily on your mrs I mean).

Last time I was at glastonbury my Mrs had been feeling unwell on the last night so I did the good hubby bit and made sure she was ok.  She got quickly better, so I thought 'ok, ill hit the jamesons'.  Turned into a cliched whisky drunk.  Falling over in the mud people coming to help pick me up.  Some of them I decided were my best mates some I was screaming at to fuck off.  Lying on the floor very angry with the sky I seem to recall.  Kneeling in the tent pissing just out of the doorway was not popular.

Not touched Jamesons since.  Now do Jack instead.

I think i've posted my fence fucker night.

There's a few more but nothing quite like that.

I walked home from a Christmas party once in Edinburgh and ended up walking in the completely opposite direction that I needed to get to. I ended up at Seafield in Edinburgh which is by the sea and I phoned a taxi but had lost the ability to speak and I didn't know where I was. For some bizzare reason I ended up volleying my mobile phone into the sea.

I have no idea how I got home that evening!

Gillingham away was embarrasing for me.

I’ve been lucky enough to never really lose it as such but one of the slightly les savory incidents I can recall is the sauce fight we had in our local.  Me anda few mates were messing about when a few tabs of  Tabasco ends up in someone’s drink.   

Childish pranks continue and escalate during the evening until all out ‘sauce war’ develops.  Armed with the industrial sized squeezy bottles you get in cafs about 4-5 of us turned the bar into a bloodbath and the place was packed with standing room only, it was New Years 2000.

How we didn’t get a kicking or even get kicked out is absolutely beyond me.  We were all covered from head to toe in a mixture mustard, ketchup and brown sauce and had to spend the remainder of the evening stinking.

I still pulled mind.

I don't believe you. What's your sauce?

I think I had mustard as my hair was dripping with ketchup and my trousers looked like I'd had a dirty protest.

A few of ud from our house went out in bristol a few months back, for the student night in oceana. There were coaches running from the university which were only £10 return, not bad value thought i. Sadly i had a few too many pints for a pound, ended up leaving/kicked out about half 11, got a taxi home alone and threw up in said taxi. Woke up in the morning £150 poorer.

at no point has the notion even been entertained but i still went for the prize!
the worst/best thing is she was battered also so i wasn't/am not sure if i want to bring it up and apologise  :-[

Just get pissed and try again.

i'm hoping it'll be my christmas present

One of my most embarrassing, simply because of the scale of people who found out, was my second night after moving into halls for uni. We'd been out at the halls bar which they had extended into the canteen room for a 'club night'. The club night was rather wank, so my new flatmate and I decided to get absolutely shitfaced.

Once I got back to my corridor I went back outside (unknown to my other flatmates) and befriended some other people who were climbing the monument outside the halls. We all went back to theirs to play drinking games. The last thing I remember was puring chilli sauce into half a pint of vodka and downing it for a dare. I woke up at 10am the next day not really knowing how I got there but thinking nothing of it.

Apparently I'd been chucked out by my new friends, after pissing in their kitchen and throwing up everywhere. Somehow I'd managed to get back in and decided I needed to steal all their bread to make toast. I was 'returned' to my rightful corridor by the halls warden at 7am the following day, much to the surprsie of my corridor (who all thought I was in bed) and was thrown into a cold shower for 30 minutes by my other flatmate, before being dumped into bed.

I think the best thing was that I couldn't remember any of this, so when I woke up I acted as if nothing had happened. I also layed off the beer for a week. The very next time I got drunk I decided to do some other brilliant stuff which my housemates also found unfunny. Well except the other guy I'd got trollied with on the first incident, he actually did find it brilliant and I was apparently his hero.

Good times.

These are great and I've done some silly shit - but I'd call them drunken indescretions (sp?) rather than a "meltdown" if you understand me, more messing about than having some sort of breakdown.

My only real meltdown would be having a blazing row with my brother in which I (falsely) declared I was shagging his missus, he went outside and booted the wing mirrors of what he thought was my new Astra but was in fact some other geezers motor.

Hilarious at the time, although I felt like a cunt the next day for making such a potentially damaging claim. All was forgiven mind.

haha, i don't know what you mean!!

Hartlepool away............

Were you hanging?

Yes.

A night sleeping on a park bench in Brighton springs to mind.....

There's a line under it somewhere, I think it's drawn.

I was sick all over my girlfriends clothes because it was at the side of the bed last night.
Aceness :D

I am very poorly today - hence why I am not at work or football today- its quite embarressing that a women of 28 needs to be carried home by an 18 year old boy

I also have a very bruised foot as I stole the ceramic pig from outside Za Za's flat and dropped it on my foot

oh god I feel so sick I really cant handle it any more

i saw what you wrote on your facebook profile, i thought you might have been pissed.

did you try touching the 18yr old boy? ;)

NO!!! but he still gave me a cuddle even when I had just been sick and was crying and had makeup all over my face!

:D

I think he might love you!

Being sick after a night out? Thats thuggish behaviour.....

Dont say that!!!
I feel so ill still
Graham owed me anyway for the night he threw up all over the side of my car

fair play then.

also why is whenever girls are sick they start crying?

I cry because Im scared of being sick

Did you puke on said 18 year old? Good work if so!

nooowww Im not that much of a ming

Puking over people is ace. I managed 3 people the other night!