Thetownend.com

I've been sat listening to music with headphones on and removed them to find a text and missed call. The text was sent 2 minutes after the phone call.

My mates misses had called me, and then followed up with the below text.

Look wanker, it's [friends bird]. [friend's name] was trying to call you to get to you to record the football. The poor BASTARD has to go to my friend's birthday with me.

I don't know how to give the text perspective, but i've never spoken on the phone to her or had a text from her. I don't really dislike the girl and we get on well enough, but she is fucking nuts. She's jealous of all his friends, male and female and generally gives subtle abuse to all his friends behind his back and hates him going out.

How would you reply? I wanted to tell her to get off her high horse and try to wind her up, but then i felt it best to hardly react; let her stew. In doing that i think i'll be the more adult, by not reacting, which will piss her off and give her more rope.

Provocation, abuse or diplomacy? I think diplomacy is best. :shrug:

just ignore it, you're mate is probably horrifically embarrased. or tell her that germany just scored the best goal ever and you really  wouldn't have wanted anyone to miss it.

Sadly I suspect she thinks she's being funny and "laddish". Set fire to her shed.

tell her youhave always fancied her, that should set a cat amongst the pigeons

I could do that, but then if she reciprocates i'll be in fear of my life.

Amusingly her shed recently burnt down Paul.

I like that idea axs, except i have no video or dvd recorder. I could've used a camcorder i suppose, but i also don't own one of those.

Oh i forgot to say, they're soon to be married and i'm best man as well. I might use my speech to tell him to hurry up and get a divorce.

ok so they are going out? why dont you go round there house and rob just her things?

I'll go around and shit in her pillows. Or tampons, not sure which.

how do you shit in a tampon?

its all about the applicator

Drill holes in them and use a funnel? (Preferably after a curry)

Shit in the applicators, that'd be funny. I was thinking of the box. To be honest i wasn't actually thinking of either, i don't want to give her a reason to hate me, i prefer her having no ammo and trying to get a bite out of me.

See it's not just you then is it? She's obviously annoyed someone else recently who took the entirely reasonable step of a warning shed-burning

I'd have sent something along the lines of:

"Considering you asked so nicely, it's unfortunate I don't have a VCR"

You're thinking along the same lines as me Simon. I'll compose something and send it, i nearly always have to reply to text messages.

What did you text in the end?

He's gone quiet, so either A: he's still nailing planks across the front door, B: rummaging through the loft for an old vcr or C; rolling around the floor engulfed in flames.

:D

This is what i sent, verbatim.

I think she was angry because i missed her call, therefore assumed i didn't want to speak to her, therefore hate her, hence me justifying the missed call.



It's pretty straight and boring to be honest. I would've liked a more provocative tone, like yours, but i love my mate and don't want to cause any problems. Plus, if i wind her up, he gets it in the ear and won't be allowed out to play and i also give her valid reasons for hating me in her fucked up world.

I bet she likes flower wallpaper.

Cunts

Barry just text her BINT and see what happens?

I'd love to return the favour to her Bushey, but it'll cause too much hassle for my mate.

Also, he's going to marry this cow and I think she likes to feel right. She treats people like cunts and then says, "See i told you that person was a bastard!", when they eventually stick up for themselves. I won't fall into that petty trap.

As the great Nina Simone said "Strange Fruit".

Next tim eyou have a few too many you will debate texting her that.  You are being far too grown up!

I once got drunk and sent a text to mate's high-maintenance bird calling her a cunt. It's very funny... :|

Bushey don't insult me by implying i'm mature. I'm but a child. :)

I would have replied

Listen cunt, just set the timer for him... tell the poor BASTARD I feel for him and to give you a slap from me

Nah, clearly she's looking for some big time reaction. If you play it cool it will do her head in.

Other option is to text your mate directly saying you can't record...completely ignoring her will do her head in even more.

Give her a Cillit Bang! :)

some women!?

of the one's i've met, 95% are wired completely differently to my patterns of thought. fuck knows what they are thinking.

seems all women are alright until you get in anyway involved with them.



then they go mental.

an example, the bird of a mate of mine has persuaded him to make tonight at work fancy dress. i know for a fact he hates nothing more than fancy dress and i told him that.

he called me a killjoy, said he's going as a pirate.

what a wanker.

You shagged her yet?

  It doesn't really change much with longevity...now I don't even bother to try.

"Retaining the male has not even the dubious purpose of reproduction. The male is a biological accident: the y(male) chromosome is an incomplete x(female) chromosome, that is, has an incomplete set of chromosomes. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion, aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples."

Harsh, i suppose,and it is a quote from the woman who tried to kill Andy Warhol,Valerie Solanas.But i think a lot of the problems between men and women come down to the fact that we are biologically different.

And believe me we think all you lot are mad as well :D

She should've stayed in the kitchen where she belonged.

Women are mad though, my reasoning is this: :)

Women think in emotion, men think using logic and the 2 are at odds with each other. The source of conflict is not hard to understand, it's just fucking annoying trying to have to explain something to a women using logic. All she actually hears is the emotional undertone, she then uses her intuition to misunderstand and read too much into it and produce a "different" interpretation of what was actually said.

Imo a lack of logic, higher sensory acuity and a very hardened inner world cause women to hear things that are often neither said or implied, purely because everything goes through these unusual paradigms within their mind.

I'll go back to bed, it's too early to start speaking bollocks. :D

Women also don't understand science.

   Although your reasoning is superficially logical....it is flawed by an undercurrent of emotion.

   How do you explain what might be called the Larwood Paradox.....namely that there are birds who understand and enjoy the the skill and nuance of Test cricket, whereas there are blokes who think it's boring?

The Larwood Paradox... Hmmm. My books don't talk about that and i only regurgitate things i read. Roll-the-dice guessing is the extent of my self-proclaimed knowledge.

Maybe she's secretly a man? Kinda like my superficial logic unearthing me being a secret bird. Well, that's assuming my breasts, girly voice, hair and dress didn't give me away.

She was for ages :D

http://www.thetownend.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=10541&highlight=larwood

So basically you're saying that the woman in question is a biological nutter?