Thetownend.com

I thought all of my housemates were out last night, so embarked upon an almighty wank.

Pretty soon after the man milk had been released I heard someone in the corridor muttering the world "vulgar" in disdain.

So far, I can see a few options.

1. never go home
2. say i was polishing the window/woodwork
3. when asked what i did last night, reply "I just stayed in and had a massive wank"

I think number three is probably the lesser of the evils.

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Was it your nine o clock wednesday wank?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DkuXBsHytE

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Brilliant!!  That's brought tears of laughter to my face.

Are all your housemates male??

I'd go for option 3 fella, ha ha, brilliant!

I would have thought that being a Scummer and wanking aren't exactly mutually exclusive, are they?

it was a female housmate.

i live with 3 blokes and 3 girls, plus a 'couch surfer' (she doesn't pay rent but cleans, does my washing up and cooks dinner sometimes).

Who would catch someone  having a wank and mutter the word "vulgar"?

Surely your house mates will just take the piss,I know I would.

Its not like they caught you in the living room hanging yourself from a lamp shade with their pants with a Cucumber up your bum is it......

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:  best post for ages!


Where were you? in the living room?  

I assume you were watching porn?  Does the content of said porn add further comedy to the situation?

i was in my room, and it was an imagination toss

i dont get it?
did anyone actually catch you in the act?

not visually, but audibly. i should have put music on. some barry white.

he's a wanker,
he's a wanker,
and it does him good like it bloody well should...

oh a noisy wanker :soapy tit wank:
just ask the girl if she wants to relieve you next time

Think OF's custom bit under his name should now read "resident scummer, and a wanker to boot!" :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

eh :?

you moan and groan whilst wanking??!!!!

how very od

When i was about 14 i decided to pop into the bathroom and knock one out. I forgot to lock the door, so surprised my sister's mate when she walked in on me in full flow. She didn't fancy giving me any assistance unfortunately, but i still like to convince myself she saw nothing other than an embarrassed bloke, laying on the floor, naked, with something resembling a sausage in his hand... :shrug:

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: @ OF and Barry

Ha ha this is ace!

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

WTF, why go into the bathroom and lie on your back?!

hahahah

argggh get this mental image out of my head!!!

Horizontal wanking in the bathrrom Barry?  I hope the men of your house were accurate piss shooters.

As for you OF what sort of noise do you make while having a wank to get caught?  Do you talk dirty, huff and puff or just rattle the bed around a bit.

There's no way anyone could have clocked on and if they do front it out and admit you were just having an almighty wank.

Dare I ask what the difference is between an almighty wank and a normal one?

Im laughing so much at the above that my eyes are crying!  :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Blokes have a switch behind their elbow which changes them from normal mode and almighty mode.

How did you not know that?

I just fucking spat Red Bull all over the shop (thats not a euphinism), my colleagues are dead confused.

there is a 3rd mode known as "oh christ - where have my plums gone" that ranks above almighty but it doesn't happen very often

Because wanking while lead on your front is tough. :)



Fortunately there were no men in the house and the floor was more comfortable than a bog seat.

Jesus, why am i explaining myself?!

A bloke who used to work for my step dad's company once went to court for getting seen wanking off in his car at a woman on the M25, along with getting caught in another woman's garden knocking one off as she undressed. That's nearly as bad as OF's sound effects. :)

All these confessions are coming thick and fast now.

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Fucking awesome, you can just imagine some geezer bent over under the washing line crashing one out.

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

isnt self abuse ace? :D

Can I just quickly thank OF and Bazza for supplying me with a funny story or two to tell when I went out for a meal with a couple of friends last night.

Yep, telling stories about the masturbatory habits of people you've met on the internet is a sure fire say of coming across as a normal, balanced individual.

You just couldn't help yourself could you?

hahaha ace.

What's the matter retelling a funny story to some mates, whether I've read it on the net or not?  

FFS  :|

Oh cheer up janaage. I was only being a sarky cunt.

ben i'd guess your escapades are probably are the most mentioned in conversation tales of a forum member between friends.

i find people who rely on the internet to have friends a bit sad, rather than those who mention people off the net to proper friends.
and before anyone gets the wrong idea, this is not a pop at anybody on here.

I used to think that internet friends were a bit sad. But having met loads of the oddballs on here they've become just as good friends as my real ones.

You meet new people all the time; at school, work, pub, neighbours, football, back-ally orgies, sex offenders register meetings, etc. Don't really see how the internet is much different from the other ways you meet people.

Going on the internet with the plain intention of just finding friends does seem a bit odd, but I really only signed up for thisis(which I was pretty quiet on ) and then the tef, as a good way to keep up with the gongs on at STFC when I was living in Exeter. The fact that I ended up meeting some pretty random people who I now consider friends is a bonus.

There's people I'd probably never have met if it for on here, Fred's a good example as our lives are pretty spectacularly different. I wouldn't consider him less of a mate because we met on here though. If that makes sense.

good points well made ben.
i was referring really to the nerdy types who never leave their bedroom,and them sort of sad people. their lives must be pretty miserable

it is.

Yeah, you should get out more arriba  :wink:

it's great. i love it.

anyway i don't consider any of you friends.

Stop trying to hurt me with your cold exterior. I know you love me really.

Thinking about it, I'm not sure I have a problem with that much either. Making friends is good, make them anywhere you can.

Also that bit about Fred sounded well soppy. I won't think any less of him because I met him on here, just because he's a cunt.

Can I be someones friend?

I'll be your friend.

\ :D / yay!

not me, your dog a cunt.  :x

  :( how horrid!

Yeah, that was well over the top meanness.

8)
Stone it.  :wink:

Sorry Ben, you must have been doing a good job!  Just popped on here read that and thought, well you know!

No problem Benja!