Thetownend.com

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About  halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, ' I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Why do women wear make up and perfume??



Because they're ugly and they smell

thats Dave never getting a podge then!  :soapy tit wank:

What's orange and sounds like a Parrot?

A Carrot.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas?

Aids. (Sorry for that one, but it does make me laugh.)

As long as its not an ugly smelly bird i dont mind!

This is possible not for those of an overly PC nature, anyway................

Little black boy sticks his head in a bowl of flour and says "Look mum, i'm a white boy".

His Mum smacks him in the head and takes him to his Dad, his Dad looks at him and smacks him in the head too, his Mum then drags him to see his Grandad who looks at him and gives him another smack.

His mother then says to him "have you learnt your lesson boy!?"

To which the boy replys "Sure have, i've only been white for 5 minutes and i already hate you black bastards!"

Well, not with a woman anyway.

What's brown and sounds like a bell ?

Dunngg!!

Wanted: Small asylum seeker for job as mudflap. Must be flexible and willing to travel.

 :D  That's awesome.


How do you get Pikachu onto a bus?

You POKEMON!

 :o

you seen cash in the attic earlier in the week aswell then  :D

No, I haven't seen it in years! I was telling that joke all the time a few years ago and just remembered it the other day. Spooky.

What's brown and runny?

Linford Christie!

Love that one  :D


What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible  car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly  six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.  Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies,  'Ma'am, you had twins..... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine; However,  they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately so your  brother Paddy came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh  suffering Jesus, no, not me brother he's a fecking clueless idiot...  Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's  name?'
' Denise' says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat  relieved, 'Wow, that's a really beautiful name, 'I guess I was wrong about  my brother', she thought....'I really like Denise.
Then she asks, '  What's the boy's name?'………………






The doctor replies ' Denephew  '

I went out with a girl last week who told me she wanted to be 'treated like a princess'. So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove her into a wall.

What's black, red and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the Iron.

 :soapy tit wank: