Thetownend.com

I don't know if any of you are familiar with this? It is the art of forming a profile of someone's personality based upon their favourite cheese. I mentioned on another thread that I'd emailed Martyn Starnes to ask for his preffered make so that I could get a clearer picture of whether he is someone that has the best interests of the club at heart or is infact fingering the nipsy of beelzebub.

Mark Devlin kindly informed me that he is partial to the Cypriot cheese halloumi. Interestingly this means that he is loyal, a good communicator, and conducts himself with great dignity. Unfortunately he can sometimes allow himself to be made a scapegoat of if his defences are dropped. If you take his inability to fly without the aid of a fully functioning aeroplane, and some might say the boards inability to take responsibility for anything whatsoever then this could have an air of accuracy about it.

Martyn Starnes has not responded thus far to my request but I am very interested to find out what cheese he loves.

If any of you would like to know what is written in the cheese then let me know what you like and I'll endeavour to let you know whether you're good or evil.

Canadian Mature Chedder

Brie. Lovely lovely brie. The only good thing to come from France other than Melissa Therieu

You are the sort of person who will dig up a badger and bum it. You can often be found hiding in stairwells so that you can look up ladies skirts while you furiously masturbate into an empty pot noodle cup. You live on your own in house that you have made a into a shrine to Martine Mccutcheon. You eat beans from the can as you don't own any kitchen utensils. You're favourite hobbies are collecting your own excrement in netto bags and dressing up in Nazi war memorabilia.

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

I like irish very mature cheddar

You feel unfulfilled, you hate your job and feel that you should be doing something more exciting but you're too lazy to get off your arse and do something about it. You have a fear of soap and shampoo, this means that you stink. You long to leave Swindon so that you can follow your dream of being an acrobat. Your favourite hobbies are sleeping on benches and singing the theme tune to Dad's army outside Mosques.

You're a short arse gobshite who looks a bit like an ewok. You spend your day pretending to work but are infact scouring the internet looking for people who share your interest in sheds. You want to start up a specialist magazine called Playsheds, and a spin-off called Readers sheds but unfortunately lack the required funds. Your hobbies include drinking water from urinals and pressing the button on pedestrian crossings and then running away in the style of a gay.

Amazingly accurate!! I actually have 2 Martine pictures in my house .. one personally signed  :soapy tit wank:

Not the first time I've been called a short arsed gobshite, but it is the first ewok comparrison I've earned. Not far from the truth if I grew a beard.

I'm disappionted at the lack of refrences to "furious masturbation" and the shed reference fell flat on its face didnt it?

all in all not a bad effort, but could do better 6.5 / 10

lots of love

the gob shite ewok

I can only write what the cheese tells me.....anyway who the fuck are you, Simon Cowell? I'm making this shit up you know, I'm not really consulting some mystical cheese chart! Anyway Fatbury's got the monopoly on furious masturbation.

I don't have a favourite cheese, but I like the name Vasterbottenost because it sounds funny.

Dorset Blue Vinny! Stilton with attitude.  Proper cheese.

Theres no mystical cheese chart?  

you cunt :x

Havarti for me please waiter

Vegetarian Edam,melty scrumptiousness!

Not having a favourite cheese disqualifies you from having any kind of personality.

The fact that you like to have something veiny that tastes of cheese in your mouth should tell everybody what they need to know.

colby  jack

This more like it. People who like this Danish cheese are versatile and have probably even had sex at some point. They are fashionable, with senses of humour so amazing that anyone stood next to them is liable to have their head fall off. Their hobbies include wrestling with crocodiles and putting an end to poverty.

You are bland and smell of sick.

You are big with a history of violence, you don't like to use violence anymore but if someone winds you up you are liable to cut off their genitals with a pair of garden shears and then run over their still twitching bollocks with a rusty lawnmower. You will then set about them with an array of sharp objects until they are struggling to breathe because of the blood thats starting to accumulate in their mouth as a result of you cutting out their tongue with a cheese grater. Your hobbies include flower arranging and breakdancing

Feta

Roquefort

Its all true :cry:

Can you get non-veggie Edam then?!

You can   :dance: ....from Tesco.

tesco value cheddar

So what kind of meat does Edam usually contain then?! I'm confused.

Ooh! ooh! ooh! Do me!

Venezualan Beaver Cheese 8)

It's animal rennet (sp?) that's probably in it.

Thank you no one has ever been that nice to me before

mmm cheese, I like cheese.

Once I'm out in France my favourite cheese will be emmental - not because I enjoy it more than other cheeses but because it is very cheap and almost cheerful.

That's not a real cheese is it? I'm getting a hint of Monty Python.

I've given up fromology now in favour of alcohology. It's a lot simpler, basically if you don't drink pints or doubles without a mixer then you stink.

I must say that I'm surprised by Dave Blackcurrent's lack of rennet knowledge. Rennet is produced in the stomach of cows and is used to make cheese solid and stuff, vegetarians use Bennett's tears

Ooooh! He knows his Python 8)

Actually it's calves stomachs.

Yeah, thanks for pointing that out, I feel such a fool. I'm never going to be able to show my face at the farmers dinner again after such a foolish mistake. Infact I think I shall rush to the local tatooist in the morning and have 'calves not cows' tattoed on my forehead so that I'll never make such a glaring error again. Once again, thanks.

It's a common mistake.

Suitable punishment would have to be 24 hours listening to Vera Lynn singing Veal Meat Again.

Well since your raison d'etre is to inform and amuse, I was concerned that you would mislead your public by such a moment of inaccuracy.

If your assertion were actually true, all the poor bulls would have starved when they were babies.  No bulls, no cows, no milk, no cream, no leather, no tripe.

Concentrate!

Yeah yeah, stop babbling. Your favourite cheeses are Helmetdale and Organzola. Your hobbies include having sex with yourself while you watch and collecting shit puns.

Emmenthal is the greatest