Thetownend.com

I can't believe none of you pissheads have mentioned St Patricks Day yet? Don't tell me you've forgotten, or more likely you are all down the pub drinking  :guinness:

Anyway, some really crap Irish jokes for you.

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.  After a while one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland".
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
 The first guy says, "so am I!  And where about from Ireland might you be?"
 The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
 The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I!  And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
 The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
 The first guy says, "Faith, and it's a small world, so did I!  So did I!!  And to what school would you have been going?"
 The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."
 The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I.  Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
 The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."
 The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us.  I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.  Can you believe it?  I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
 About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
 Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight!!"
 Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
 "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.  "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.  "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."  "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."  "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"  "That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violenty all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"  "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.  "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."   "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.   "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"  "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".   "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim, But where's my husband?"   "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident at the Guinness brewery.."   "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. You husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."   Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"  "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."  "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.  Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee"

A drunk staggers into a Catholic church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side either."

 :beers:

Well im English and dont givie a flying fuck.

I do like Guiness though.

 :nod: Couldn't agree more!I celebrate ST Georges day with a nice drop of cider :beers:

Exactly, i refuse to take part in this shit.

St Georges Day on the other hand.  :beers:  :beers:  :beers:

I love Irish people. They're so cool.

Stop trying to seduce Sonic  :wink:
I can understand celebrating this day if your actually Irish,but if your not what is the point?

Faux Irishness is one of my pet hates.....nothing against the proper lot....also I don't need a reason to get pissed.

If it wernt for the Irish we would'nt have ...... er ......the likes of westlife, B witched and Ronan keating  :P

What is cool about being pale and Ginger ? Oh and the fact that they nick anything that isnt tied down? Yes i really wish i was irish......Cue abuse from Plastic Paddies

Thats very harsh. What does the typical english bloke look like then?  :mrgreen:  I can think of a few things....

 :soapy tit wank:

Word to big bird

I have irish blood and had  lots of winners today, I deserve to get pissed

i'm irish and i'm off out for some beers tonight.

the above is not neccesarily linked

Exactly, most English people celebrate this but dont bother for St Georges day which is fucking treason if you ask me.  :evil:

Even it wasn't for the irish we wouldn't have tarmaced roads.

That said, I hope England kick their arses in the rugby tomorrow and when I go to the pub tonight I will not be partaking in Guinness or the wearing of a stupid hat

not enough denim in the world  :D

 :stupid: (although you're not stupid Spuddy). I'm going to celebrate St Georges Day this year by slaying a dragon, ceremonially of course, in front of the whole office

But think yourselves lucky - here in the States, everybody is Irish for a day. Every fucker has brought out something green from their wardrobe (probably mould) and wants to go and drink Guinness from a can. What a bunch of sad wankers (I can say that 'cause the average yankee don't understand  :mrgreen: ) But when in Rome (or Dayton).........

:o  :shock: You do know that's a euphamism, don't you Coxy?

Getting into the spirit of things, I'm acting thick. Explain to Thicky McThick of Clan McThick please.

"I'm just going to retire to my bedroom to slay the dragon"

"Give me a moment, i'm just slaying the dragon"

"The referee's a dragon slayer!"

Get the picture? :D

I just knew I shouldn't have asked  :soapy tit wank:

 :cheers:  :clap:

fucking right.

all my mates at work were saying "oh going out to celebrate" celebrate what? One is Welsh, one is Scottish and the others English. it's not yours, mine or anyone here's birthday so why should i bother.

and i hate fucking guiness so i'm staying in as i can't be bothered.

bah humbug

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e380/Lucy78/paddyhoff.jpg

I think people get sucked into it 'cause everey pub in the fucking country has at least one Irish barman and so pubs go in for it in a big way.

No I don't want a fucking Shamrock on it!

i had a bloody good night to be fair. i shall also be celebrating st georges day, though st andrew and st david can both fuck off.

To be sure, to be sure.

That's why Irishmen wear two condoms.

you just wish you were irish you taffy cunt

Fucking plastic Paddy

irish blood, english heart

cuntchops

Only Irish when it suits ya. Fucking gypo

at least i don't have to be ashamed of being welsh

do some work you slacker

Aha, i'm not at work









And yeah










Fuck off and such

errrrrr then go to bed you waster :D

fuckin wank, club was full of pissed up english tossers in those cuntin guiness hats. what you think you look good in that you twat?

everyone was pissed amd scrapping fuckin nightmare, i personally split up 4 fights cunts.