champions league thread

Messi is shit.

Heskey has never missed a penalty, Messi has.
Heskey has 61 caps for England, Messi has 0.
Heskey has scored 7 goals for England, Messi has 0.
Heskey has scored 100+ goals in the Premier League, Messi has never scored in it.
Heskey undoubtedly has a larger cock than Messi.
Heskey is black, Messi isn't.
Heskey's feet are size 15, Messi's are a tiny size 10.
Heskey's shots go out for throw-ins, Messi's don't.
Heskey's bitch is sexier than Messi's bitch.
Heskey misses a lot because he doesn't want to upset the goalkeepers feelings, Messi just scores all the time because he's a twat.
Heskey has played in more World Cups than Messi.
Heskey has played for more clubs than Messi, meaning he is more versatile.
Heskey has been bought for bigger transfers fee than Messi ever has.
Heskey quite clearly has a better haircut than Messi.
Messi played shit in the Champions League Semi Final against Chelsea, Heskey didn't.
Heskey has never had a bad game in La Liga, Messi has.
Heskey weighs much more than Messi, making him the better man.
Heskey can play without Xavi and Iniesta.
Heskey changes clubs regularly, as he wants to give everyone a chance with his brilliance, Messi just stays at Barcelona.
Heskey has better strength, heading accuracy and aggression on FIFA 12 (the only attributes that matter).
Heskey has played more times in the Euro's than Messi.
Messi has never made a girl orgasm, Heskey does by simply staring into a womens eyes.
Heskey's middle name is 'William Ivanhoe', which is far better and cooler than Messi's middle name 'Andrés'.
Heskey has had shit managers such as Alex Mcleish and Steve Bruce, whereas Messi has had Pep Guardiola
Heskey can play at Centre Back, Messi can't.