Joke thread......

[reeves4england]

Why does Snoop Dogg carry round an umbrella?

Fo' Drizzles :|

Fo' drizzle ma nizzle. That joke is of the hizzle fo' shizzle

Lets hope we can shizzle the brizzle nizzle

[Sade]

Whats brown and sticky?

a stick.

 :?

[Simon Pieman]

Dave m Russell is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Dave sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Dave decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mum, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mum is a little happier.
But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Dave remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES"

 saw it coming but a goodun all the same

I'd have never thought seeing DMR coming could be good  :?  :shock:  :|

[Bob's Orange]

A girl goes up to her mum; 'Mum, I have been graped' 'Graped?' questions the mother, 'don't you mean raped'?.....................................................................

'No, there was a bunch of them'

[Nils]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"

[Sade]

The willy said to the balls 'right we're going to a party later'.The balls replied 'no we're not because whenever we go,you go in and leave us two outside knocking on the door'  

[jim]

In this age of industrial collaboration, Ford and Renault have got together to build a new hot-hatch.  The car will be based on the Renault Clio but with an engine from the Ford Taurus.

There's a dispute over the name for the car though.  Ford insist it should be the Taurus-Clio but the French prefer.........

[Simon Pieman]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A: Lickalotpus

[PHIL!!!!]

A man called bob got on a plane one day and its his first time ever flyin. Hes quite uncomfortable about flyin, so hes very nervous.
He boards the plane and sits in his seat. 5 minutes later, a man comes up to him and says, "Excuse me mate, but your in my seat". Bob then replies, "Um, i dont think so pal". The man then says again but in a more frustrated way, " Excuse me but you are definetly in my seat". Bob replies, "Look this is definetly my seat now piss off". Then the man says angrily, "Well you fly the pissin plane then"

   Heh heh..........Well it sounded funny when i first heard it.......

[PHIL!!!!]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A: Lickalotpus

 

[walrus]

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A megasawarse

[PHIL!!!!]

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A megasawarse

Haha  

[my-velocity]

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7 8 9  

Why did the Turkey cross the road?

Because it was the Chikens day off  

[jim]

What's the most popular operation that lesbians ask for?


A Strapadicktomy

[STFC Village]

Why did the Irish man wear two condoms?

To be sure, to be sure