Sade
 Offline
Posts: 6427
|
 |
« Reply #30 on: Monday, November 7, 2005, 21:09:36 » |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
RED ARMY
|
|
|
Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
Offline
Posts: 28603
|
|
« Reply #31 on: Monday, November 7, 2005, 21:14:37 » |
|
Paddy goes up to the counter and says 'Can I have a pound of Irish Sausages please'? The man replies 'Are you Irish'?
Paddy is outraged. 'Oh, so if I asked for Salami, would you ask if I was Italian?, If I asked for Bratwurst, would you ask if I was German? If I asked for Brussels Pate, would you ask if I was Belgian'?
'Uh.....'stammers the assistant.
'If I asked for Mexican sausage would you ask if I was fucking Mexican' Paddy shouts.
'I guess not' says the assistant
'WELL WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK IF I WAS IRISH'?? Paddy responded.......................................................
'Because you are in Homebase'
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
|
|
|
|
Nils
|
|
« Reply #32 on: Monday, November 7, 2005, 21:17:23 » |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Sade
Offline
Posts: 6427
|
|
« Reply #33 on: Monday, November 7, 2005, 21:43:17 » |
|
Two nuns were sat on a bench in a churchyard when a streaker ran past.One nun passed out and the other had a stroke  one of my favourites. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
RED ARMY
|
|
|
Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
Offline
Posts: 28603
|
|
« Reply #34 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 08:17:19 » |
|
I went to the zoo the other day and to my amazement the only animal there was a dog!
It was a shitzu.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
|
|
|
Sade
Offline
Posts: 6427
|
|
« Reply #35 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 08:19:56 » |
|
 Lame but good. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
RED ARMY
|
|
|
|
Northern Red
|
|
« Reply #36 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 11:29:37 » |
|
One night in the nursing home, old Bill, Doris and the other old folk are watching TV in the darkened room.
Lady Chatterly begins on the TV and Doris starts to feel a bit frisky. She slips her hand down Bill's trouser and starts slowly wanking him off, until he finishes with a large smile and returns the favour.
For several nights Doris and Bill meet in the TV room and both have their fun...
One night Doris walks in the TV room and finds Bill at the back again.
But to her surprise Bill is already smiling as another frail old lady has her hand down his trousers pleasuring him.
Doris is appalled and shouts at Bill "Why are you with her? What's she got that I haven't?!?"
Bill looks up still smiling and says: "Parkinson's"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
fatbury
|
|
« Reply #37 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 11:32:34 » |
|
Sick but good!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Nils
|
|
« Reply #38 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 11:40:53 » |
|
Not one to tell my grandmother.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
McLovin
|
|
« Reply #39 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 11:52:15 » |
|
One from my sister -
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'll all just sit there in the dark, probably crying.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
STFC Village
|
|
« Reply #40 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 11:55:04 » |
|
Why does Snoop Dogg carry round an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzles :|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
Offline
Posts: 28603
|
|
« Reply #41 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 19:41:35 » |
|
An Englishman, Scot and Irishman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishmn says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought 300 pounds worth of meat because it was on special offer, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."
The Scot agreed that she sounded pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent 17,000 pounds on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife is so stupid, she was leaving to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a cock!!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
|
|
|
Simon Pieman
Original Wanker
Offline
Posts: 36319
|
|
« Reply #42 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 20:43:02 » |
|
Why does Snoop Dogg carry round an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzles :| Fo' drizzle ma nizzle. That joke is of the hizzle fo' shizzle |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
STFC Village
|
|
« Reply #43 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 20:49:19 » |
|
Why does Snoop Dogg carry round an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzles :| Fo' drizzle ma nizzle. That joke is of the hizzle fo' shizzle Lets hope we can shizzle the brizzle nizzle |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
reeves4england
Offline
Posts: 15997
We'll never die!
|
|
« Reply #44 on: Tuesday, November 8, 2005, 21:06:33 » |
|
Dave m Russell is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Dave sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Dave decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mum, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mum is a little happier.
But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Dave remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES"  saw it coming but a goodun all the same |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
