A weird few days for the Townend Forumers.

[leefer]

A funny few days in my lorry this week..i saw a Mexican trying to hurry up the traffic..ARRIBA!ARRIBA!.he was shouting at a german driverwho owed money at the local pub..his name was HER THAB,gordon BENNETT i thaught that mexican sure looks DVous.Now IBELIEVEINMRREEVES when he tells me he nipped into the DON ROGERS SHOP and saw RON DODGERS who looked rather GRUBBY.. but then he did have LUMPS kicked out of him when playing. Back in the lorry listening to Scott Mills on one,i rang him for a request,no probs he says and ware you off too he asks,BARRY SCOTT i says in South Wales,he recomends i buy the new LUCIEN SANCHEZ album.After a SIPPO my coffee i soon get to Barry ware i meet a YEOVIL BLUE,he likes dodgy mags hence blue,hes been on the sunbed thats made YEOVIL RED.Aparently Leigh BARNARD was a favourite of his.
Next stop is Windsor,lots of money there..i saw RICH PULLEN young girls with nice TANS,felt a tad low but SAMDYS are GRAY,while others are good.Put on my Portable TV..Fools and Horses again!..DELL BOY is good so after him i watched another cooking repeat of ten years ago,JAMIESFUTUREWIFE was explaining how good a cook the Mr Oliver was and how they were due to get married.Flicked the Remote and more repeats,this time  Cricket in times gone past..that LARWOOD was fast.
Back to my Schooldays,my best mate was Chalkie..CHALKIES SHORTS were always tight that made MISS ANGRY,my other friend Benjamin was always messing with matches,while about to light some white spirit,the school caretaker CHUBBS screamed thats INFLAMMABLE BEN!..i used to get a basin cut at a barbers called the SWINDON BOB..memories eh..back to the lorry and suddenly a convoy of 70s police cars shot by me in ten second intervals PANDA...PAWS...PANDA....PAWS,and i head towards THE LAND OF BO which is officially the smelliest place in England.Had a quick JIMBOB and noticed on the wall a portrait of Reg Vardys first love...yes REG was indeed SMEATON.
Evening arrives and a pub meal with LUCI the barlady asking if i want white wine,dont be SCILLY RED is my vice.I roll a Dyslexic joint and as i puff on my LEEFER i hear voices in my head Swindon fans chantiing REEVES FOR ENGLAND!..i let out a SIE,PIE in the sky i reckon,i inhale again and see Michael Jacksons cousin DAN JACKSON getting 10 pounds cashback..that was heavy man.
Not so fresh faced next morn and i set off for Bury St JJEDMUNDS,through Thetford Forest ware men with AXS were busy tree fellin,Sport on 5,report Ronnie O Sullivan won the deciding frame with a break of 21.
Service station approaches and i see AGENT ORANGE flogging fruit on the cheap..its about time he acted his ADJE i reckon,hes here hes there hes every fukin ware ALAN MAYES,ALAN MAYES was a favourite of mine i hummed it as i walked in the wintry sun,a butterfly crimson in colour and blown off course from Thailand landed in front of me..a BANGKOK RED i think. Back to my lorry and i catch an old van in the car park gleaming,an old BEDFORD RED Ime sure,a bite on my CHOCOLATE ORANGE and time for a shave as i was beginning to look like a BUSHY BOY...DACHAUER the german driver supported KARLSRULER,he was ther with his wife..GIRLSLIKEFOOTBALL too she says and she got CROZZER AND CROZZER.
I set off and the DAZZZAling lights meet dusk..a DEVON RED sky is similar to a DERBY RED sky and a foundry in Plymouth is ware i drop of..signs saying DMR warn me about dangerous machines rotating..i walked down the IRONSIDE cos i detected that was the safe option..the guy who unloaded me was a FATBURY fan and informed me they dont bash the Bishop now hes scoring for fun.FLASH GORDON the plant manager looked sharp in his clobber,but it was hard to see through the FOGSTER.
Into the canteen and GAZZAS FAT MATE fivebellies was watching old Corrie on uk gold,FRED ELLIOT,i say FRED ELLIOTTwas shaking his stuff..GLOS ROBIN was painting the wall so i baught an IFFY ONION BHAJI which i ate as i PAULD myself back in my cab seat.A can of REDBULLZEYE which contained amongst other things JAYOFAITCHEN with JPC82..buzzin.
JANAAGES goal v Millwall was my faveand i reminice while listening to JOHNNY REEVES crooning,i remember when KINKY TOM won me loads at Ladrokes or was that THE PLAGIARIST?... strolled up in the NEWMARKET RED stakes and while on the LASH SUMTHIN crossed my mind,this was a gay pub so decided to LEGGETT.
Get to the MAGICROUNDABOUT and pop in the gym and saw MATTYBOY trying to slim.The wind whisked through the County Ground and i think i can hear COMEONYOUREDS...all of em in fact,MELKSHAM.MAIDENHEAD ETC ETC!.. My favourite was on the tannoy NOMOREHEROES so MY VELOCITY was high.
Get home and do the crossword,5 down clue was old Swindon defender,legend, couldnt get it OOH SHAUN TAYLOR,got it at last,he defo wasnt an OXFORD FAN...i PHIL my beer glass and eat a PIEMONTE which is a new line from Marks and SPENCER WHITE,its endorsed by the asian english spin wizzard..think his parents are from the PUMBAA..Cricket the peoples game POWERTOTHEPEOPLE i say.
Bored now so a trip to the Brunel Rooms is in hand..RALPHY THE DJ was playing RAPPERS DELIGHT to the masses,walked home and stopped at Mcdonalds..ROBERT T i say to the youngster serving i need something hot and sweet..When home a vintage video,beating Bolton in a marathon cup tie..won with a ROSSI rocket..i remember it well,must say RUSS STFC is like a Man U home game hard to getin!
Dawn is here and i feel like chilling now so on goes SADE..which makes me feel sade,a SANTINI with ice did the biz and drunken sleep followed.
Did you know Marylin had scottish blood that could have made her SCOTT MUNROE..all these STFC,s..BART,DAVE GAZZA and more..i know STFC BIRD is a FAN4LIFE.xt day.i APPLAUD YOU ALL.
Next day its a trip to THE OUTLET VILLAGE and fill my face in SPUD u like...the weekend goes quick and back on my travels..STROOOD in Kent is my port of call,aint been there for years,think it was THE SUMMER OF 69 actually..i was a naughty SWINDON CHAP after jumping the RED in SUTTON...so many SWINDONS  ime afraid STEVO  is there and i hear TARTAN ARMY has got a new SWINDON CHICK..a blue FLASH in my mirror and police fly by..couldnt keep on there TAILS...THE GRIMREAPER waits for people who speed.
Get to Kent and TIMMY G was dustin the office ably helped by a lass with no shin...TONI...now ime not a TITCH,but  ime not TURBO SIZED either,how the hell i was meant to unload with the SPACEY they were allowing.
Now i hear that Huddersfield asked Fitton why £1000 wasnt enough for Coxy..he replied with an irish twang..add TRI,CEROS and we could be in buisness!
I hear VILE VALO has been seen with a dodgy looking lass nicknamed THE WALRUSS on account of her two front incisors,what a WEASIL he is....well ime at my WHITS end after this ditty,its took real WILLPOWER so to WORCESTER who is saucy and WOKINHAM who is noisy i salute the you cos the REALREDS CARE.
Why do we like footy probably because its still THE PEOPLESGAME,just.
As for The Town it looks like our financial dealings are sorted..which reminds me i nearly forgot ZURICH.


Any names in this story are Ficticious!..its just abit of fun(for me) so if i have upset anyone its unintended.
If i have missed any person apologies its not personal!

[Bogus Dave]

Fuck me.

Thats BRILLIANT!!! Top effort

[DMR]

Ace.

Dangerous Machine Rotations, I want that as my wotsit under my name!

[flammableBen]

Fucking genious.

I hope you don't mind that I did a half arsed readability edit whilst I was reading it Leefer? I hope I didn't ruin the flow of it or anything?

A funny few days in my lorry this week...

I saw a Mexican trying to hurry up the traffic..ARRIBA!ARRIBA!. He was shouting at a German driver who owed money at the local pub... his name was HER THAB. Gordon BENNETT i thought that Mexican sure looks DVous.

Now IBELIEVEINMRREEVES when he tells me he nipped into the DON ROGERS SHOP and saw RON DODGERS who looked rather GRUBBY... but then he did have LUMPS kicked out of him when playing.

Back in the lorry listening to Scott Mills on one, I rang him for a request, "No probs," he says and "where you off too"? he asks.
"BARRY SCOTT," I says in South Wales, he recommends I buy the new LUCIEN SANCHEZ album.

After a SIPPO my coffee I soon get to Barry ware i meet a YEOVIL BLUE, he likes dodgy mags hence blue, he's been on the sunbed that's made YEOVIL RED. Apparently Leigh BARNARD was a favourite of his.

Next stop is Windsor, lots of money there... I saw RICH PULLEN young girls with nice TANS, felt a tad low but SAMDYS are GRAY, while others are good .Put on my Portable TV... Fools and Horses again!.. DELL BOY is good so after him I watched another cooking repeat of ten years ago, JAMIESFUTUREWIFE was explaining how good a cook the Mr Oliver was and how they were due to get married. Flicked the Remote and more repeats this time.  Cricket in times gone past..that LARWOOD was fast.

Back to my Schooldays, my best mate was Chalkie... CHALKIES SHORTS were always tight that made MISS ANGRY, my other friend Benjamin was always messing with matches, while about to light some white spirit,the school caretaker CHUBBS screamed that's (in)FLAMMABLE BEN!

I used to get a basin cut at a barbers called the SWINDON BOB... memories eh... back to the lorry and suddenly a convoy of 70s police cars shot by me in ten second intervals PANDA...PAWS...PANDA....PAWS, and I head towards THE LAND OF BO which is officially the smelliest place in England. Had a quick JIMBOB and noticed on the wall a portrait of Reg Vardys first love...yes REG was indeed SMEATON.

Evening arrives and a pub meal with LUCI the barlady asking if I want white wine, dont be SCILLY RED is my vice. I roll a Dyslexic joint and as i puff on my LEEFER, I hear voices in my head, Swindon fans chanting REEVES FOR ENGLAND!.. I let out a SIE PIE in the sky i reckon, I inhale again and see Michael Jacksons cousin DAN JACKSON getting 10 pounds cashback... that was heavy man.

Not so fresh faced next morn and I set off for Bury St. JJEDMUNDS, through Thetford Forest were men with AXS were busy tree fellin'. Sport on 5, report Ronnie O Sullivan won the deciding frame with a break of 21.

Service station approaches and i see AGENT ORANGE flogging fruit on the cheap..its about time he acted his ADJE. I reckon he's here, he's there, he's every fuckin where, ALAN MAYES,ALAN MAYES was a favourite of mine. I hummed it as i walked in the wintry sun, a butterfly crimson in colour and blown off course from Thailand landed in front of me..a BANGKOK RED I think. Back to my lorry and i catch an old van in the car park gleaming, an old BEDFORD RED, I'me sure.

A bite on my CHOCOLATE ORANGE and time for a shave as I was beginning to look like a BUSHY BOY... DACHAUER the german driver supported KARLSRULER, he was there with his wife... GIRLSLIKEFOOTBALL too she says and she got CROZZER AND CROZZER.

I set off and the DAZZZAling lights meet dusk..a DEVON RED sky is similar to a DERBY RED sky and a foundry in Plymouth is where i drop off... signs saying DMR warn me about dangerous machines rotating. I walked down the IRONSIDE 'cos I detected that was the safe option... the guy who unloaded me was a FATBURY fan, and informed me they don't bash the Bishop now he's scoring for fun.

FLASH GORDON the plant manager looked sharp in his clobber, but it was hard to see through the FOGSTER. Into the canteen and GAZZAS FAT MATE, fivebellies, was watching old Corrie on uk gold, "FRED ELLIOT" I say, FRED ELLIOTT was shaking his stuff.

GLOS ROBIN was painting the wall so I bought an IFFY ONION BHAJI, which I ate as I PAULD myself back in my cab seat. A can of REDBULLZEYE which contained amongst other things JAYOFAITCHEN with JPC82... buzzin.

JANAAGES goal v Millwall was my fave and I reminisce while listening to JOHNNY REEVES crooning. I remember when KINKY TOM won me loads at Ladbrokes or was that THE PLAGIARIST?

Strolled up in the NEWMARKET RED stakes and while on the LASH SUMTHIN crossed my mind, this was a gay pub so decided to LEGGETT.

Get to the MAGICROUNDABOUT and pop in the gym and saw MATTYBOY trying to slim. The wind whisked through the County Ground and I think I can hear "COMEONYOUREDS... all of em in fact, MELKSHAM. MAIDENHEAD ETC ETC!.. My favourite was on the tanoy NOMOREHEROES so MY VELOCITY was high.

Get home and do the crossword,5 down clue was old Swindon defender,legend, couldn't get it OOH SHAUN TAYLOR, got it at last, he defo wasnt an OXFORD FAN... I PHIL my beer glass and eat a PIEMONTE which is a new line from Marks and SPENCER WHITE, its endorsed by the Asian-English spin wizard... think his parents are from the PUMBAA... "Cricket's the peoples game POWERTOTHEPEOPLE" I say.

Bored now so a trip to the Brunel Rooms is in hand... RALPHY THE DJ was playing RAPPERS DELIGHT to the masses, walked home and stopped at McDonalds... "ROBERT T" I say to the youngster serving ,"I need something hot and sweet."

When home a vintage video, beating Bolton in a marathon cup tie.,. won with a ROSSI rocket... I remember it well, must say RUSS STFC is like a Man U home game hard to getin!

Dawn is here and i feel like chilling now so on goes SADE... which makes me feel sade. A SANTINI with ice did the biz and drunken sleep followed.

Did you know Marylin had scottish blood that could have made her SCOTT MUNROE... all these STFC,s..BART, DAVE GAZZA and more... I know STFC BIRD is a FAN4LIFE. Next day, I APPLAUD YOU ALL.

Next day its a trip to THE OUTLET VILLAGE and fill my face in SPUD you like... the weekend goes quick and back on my travels.,. STROOOD in Kent is my port of call, ain't been there for years, think it was THE SUMMER OF 69 actually... I was a naughty SWINDON CHAP after jumping the RED in SUTTON...so many SWINDONS  I'me afraid STEVO  is there and i hear TARTAN ARMY has got a new SWINDON CHICK... a blue FLASH in my mirror and police fly by... couldnt keep on their TAILS... THE GRIMREAPER waits for people who speed.

Get to Kent and TIMMY G was dustin' the office, ably helped by a lass with no shin... TONI... now I'm not a TITCH, but I'm not TURBO SIZED either. How the hell i was meant to unload with the SPACEY they were allowing?

Now i hear that Huddersfield asked Fitton why £1000 wasnt enough for Coxy... he replied with an irish twang... "add TRI,CEROS and we could be in buisness!"

I hear VILE VALO has been seen with a dodgy looking lass nicknamed THE WALRUS on account of her two front incisors, what a WEASIL he is... well I'me at my WHITS end after this ditty,its took real WILLPOWER. So to WORCESTER who is saucy and WOKINHAM who is noisy i salute the you cos the REALREDS CARE.

Why do we like footy? Probably because its still THE PEOPLESGAME, just...

As for The Town it looks like our financial dealings are sorted, which reminds me i nearly forgot ZURICH!


Any names in this story are Fictitious!..its just a bit of fun(for me) so if I have upset anyone its unintended.

If I have missed any person apologies its not personal!

[BANGKOK RED]

Leefer, this is simply brilliant.

Things like this and your Lorry driving stories make you a credit to the TEF sir.

[Danjackson10]

hahaha Michael Jacksons cousin!thats ace!

[swindonbob]

I enjoyed that.....must have taken bloody ages!

[sonicyouth]

nobody ever remember me.

[Girlslikefootballtoo]

Brilliant, glad you remembered me!

[Bob's Orange]

nobody ever remember me.

Or me

[Ardiles]

If i have missed any person apologies its not personal!

Yeah, right.

[leefer]

Apologies to bob and Ardiles...and Sonic,will defo be in part two...coming shortly!

[Reg Smeeton]

nobody ever remember me.

As a newbie with only 83 posts, it's hardly surprising you haven't made much of an impact on the TEF.  Don't be discouraged some have been here years and get ignored.

[Berniman]

It's rubbish!!!
























Only cos i'm not in it!

Only kiddin!  Good work that man!

 

[Sussex]

Don't be discouraged some have been here years and get ignored.

Yeah, me too.

Are you really of sound mind to be driving an HGV around the country Leefer!