Whits
Morphined Up
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« on: Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 20:53:07 » |
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Well today has been proper shite! My promotion at work has been delayed/postponed/binned and just spent 300 quid on my car that i can't afford which means i ain't going to brentford this weekend.  someone tell me something funny or give me a link to help me take me mind of how shite today really was. |
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Plays in midfield and his name is Tommy Miller,
signed him from Huddersfield his name is Tommy Miller,
first touch is average but his second is a killer,
heeeeeey Tommy Miller!
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Boeta
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« Reply #1 on: Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 20:58:47 » |
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Poor Whits  I haven't got anything funny to say mind  |
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Boeta
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« Reply #2 on: Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 21:00:25 » |
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Maybe I have actually (or maybe I haven't)
While I was driving down the A1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher??
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way p to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Speeding ticket: £105.00
Court costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless....
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DMR
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« Reply #3 on: Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 21:24:41 » |
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Class Boeta  Missing Brentford is probably a blessing in disguise Whits mate |
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Whits
Morphined Up
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Posts: 8136
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« Reply #4 on: Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 21:26:13 » |
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that brought a smile to my face!! nice work! Dave, i missed blackpool and i'm starting to feel guilty, i think i'm still going to southend though |
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Plays in midfield and his name is Tommy Miller,
signed him from Huddersfield his name is Tommy Miller,
first touch is average but his second is a killer,
heeeeeey Tommy Miller!
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Boeta
Offline
Posts: 3885
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« Reply #5 on: Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 21:59:38 » |
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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that read $50.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication but then thought, "That's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new hookers."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
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DMR
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« Reply #6 on: Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 22:10:04 » |
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(Sorry, but heard this today and it creased me up tbh)
Apparantly the British government are sending 1 million bottles of Fairy Liquid to Asia.
Loads of people have started washing up on the beach.
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