tans
You spin me right round baby right round
 Offline
Posts: 25050
|
 |
« Reply #210 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2011, 10:47:03 » |
|
"Cameron Doesn't Rule Out Military Force for Libya"
He just needs to get the invoices checked out first, and make sure that we never sold them any of the good stuff.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Saxondale
Offline
Posts: 6390
|
|
« Reply #211 on: Thursday, March 3, 2011, 21:52:22 » |
|
Its nearly Friday so.....
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it....
I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Never knowingly overstated.
|
|
|
Bewster
Offline
Posts: 4004
We fucking love you Gumbo!
|
|
« Reply #212 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 09:07:29 » |
|
according to statistics 1 in 100 of us live next door to a convicted paedophile. Not me though, I live next door to two stunning 14 year olds.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
london_red
Offline
Posts: 2142
|
|
« Reply #213 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 09:21:28 » |
|
I went to a premature ejaculation support group the other day, but there was no one there.
I must have come too early.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
dave_bambers_right_sock
Offline
Posts: 866
|
|
« Reply #214 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 12:04:51 » |
|
Heres a few i got sent
*******************************************************************
Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing
soldier assures her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball
and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens.
"That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the man. "These are my khakis".
*************************************************
My grandad said "it's going to be a nightmare this winter with this flu outbreak"
I said "tell me something I don't know"
grandad replied "ok, your Grans arse can take my whole fist"
******************************************************
A nun who went to the docter complainin of feeling sick, was told she was pregnant. totally dumbfounded at the news, the next day she stormed into the monastry where the monks lived and shouted "right which one of you dirty bastards has been wanking over the candles?!"
***********************************************
Difference between a voyeur and a timepiece theif?
one snatches watches...
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
tans
You spin me right round baby right round
Offline
Posts: 25050
|
|
« Reply #215 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 12:33:31 » |
|
So, I finally got around to seeing the new Karate Kid, and was really pleased to find out that it was the story all about how Jaden Smith's life got flipped turned upside down.
You see, he was chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool, shooting some b-ball outside of his school, when a couple of guys (who were up to no good) started making trouble in his neighbourhood.He got in one little fight and his mom got scared! And said "You're going to learn kung-fu from the maintenance man downstairs."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
jimmy_onions
Offline
Posts: 1165
|
|
« Reply #216 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 12:35:29 » |
|
according to statistics 1 in 100 of us live next door to a convicted paedophile. Not me though, I live next door to two stunning 14 year olds.
quality. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
Offline
Posts: 59383
Things can only get better
|
|
« Reply #217 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 12:43:10 » |
|
On behalf of my fellow germans i would like to protest against other countries believing we have no sense of humor. We germans have a long tradition of comedic jokes and i choose to share some of my favourites;
Why did the Czech tourist cross the road?
Because he was impressed by the frankly excellent crossing facilities on major German routeways, compared to the relatively poor facilities constructed by his own Czech government.
How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. It is a simple lightbulb, not an advanced 'home computer'.
Knock Knock
Who is there please?
Boo
I do not know anyone by that name. Unless you mean to startle me with the word 'boo', in which case you are quite unsuccessful. I see no need to open my door in either case.
Doctor Doctor! I think I've broken my leg!
Yes, I'm afraid it's a terrible break, the chances are you'll never walk again.
Why can't women leave the kitchen to empty the bins out?
They can, providing that they are familiar with the efficient German rubbish sorting guidelines. There are separate collections for green glass, white glass and brown glass. Recycling rubbish goes in yellow bags that are collected by yellow trucks, newspapers go in cardboard boxes that are collected by gray vehicles, other rubbish is collected every two weeks by various private firms.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
|
|
|
Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
Offline
Posts: 59383
Things can only get better
|
|
« Reply #218 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 12:47:35 » |
|
My bank manager just called to say I have an outstanding balance. I said thank you very much and may I say you have a lovely smile.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
|
|
|
guy66
Offline
Posts: 279
|
|
« Reply #219 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 13:16:36 » |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
RJack
Offline
Posts: 1298
|
|
« Reply #220 on: Friday, March 4, 2011, 13:38:25 » |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
Offline
Posts: 59383
Things can only get better
|
|
« Reply #221 on: Tuesday, March 8, 2011, 18:30:03 » |
|
I had sex with an ohmless person last night.
There was very little resistance.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
|
|
|
Saxondale
Offline
Posts: 6390
|
|
« Reply #222 on: Tuesday, March 8, 2011, 22:30:10 » |
|
I'm giving up spell check for Lant.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Never knowingly overstated.
|
|
|
|
Coca Fola
|
|
« Reply #223 on: Tuesday, March 8, 2011, 22:41:42 » |
|
Paul Hart
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Doore
|
|
« Reply #224 on: Tuesday, March 8, 2011, 22:48:47 » |
|
Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They are starving, and near death.
Jose says to Pedro: Over there! A Bacon Tree!
Pedro: You are seeing a mirage - there is no such thing as a Bacon Tree. We are doomed and we will die soon.
Jose: No - its definitely a Bacon Tree!
Pedro: OK - if you insist on this, I will sit here, as I am too tired. You go and see if it is a mirage or a Bacon Tree. If it i a Bacon Tree, wave me over.
Jose goes off to the Bacon Tree. A few minutes later he comes running back, covered in blood and followed by angry soldiers, screaming:
Pedro, it is not a Bacon Tree, it is a hambush!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
