Friday Joke Thread

[Scot Munroe]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[Fred Elliot]

Not bad Ultra

[Scot Munroe]

Not bad Ultra

Thank You Kind Sir.

[STFC Village]

What do you call 100 nuns in a shop?



Virgin Megastore

[Summerof69]

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?



Hold on to your nuts... this is no ordinary blow job.

[Fred Elliot]

What do you call 100 nuns in a shop?



Virgin Megastore

I still chuckle over your "what's the first sign of madness ?" joke Villarge

[CliffP]

Suggs walking down your path ?

[Fred Elliot]

thats the one Cliff

 

[red macca]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

jewellery, my dear. jewellery.”

[CliffP]

A blonde goes into the dry-cleaners to have her top cleaned.

She asks the bloke behind the counter" How Much ?"

He doesn't hear her correctly and says "Come again ?"

She giggles and says" No ... it's just mayonnaise this time "

[Fred Elliot]

Not bad for an old'un Cliff

[millom red]

A deaf mute walks into a chemist to buy some condoms but there are none on the shelf.
Frustrated at this, the deaf mute unzips his pants and flops his cock on the counter and puts a £5 note next to it.
The chemist does the same, picks up the two £5 notes and puts them in his pocket.
Annoyed, the deaf mute begins to curse wildly in sign language.
"look" says the chemist in a broad irish accent.."if you cant afford to loose...you shouldnt fuckin gamble"

[Luci]

Its not Friday but sod it....

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?


Put it in the microwave until it's bill withers

[BANGKOK RED]

What's the best best thing about little boys?












You can turn them over and pretend that they are little girls.

(sorry)

[Doore]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."