The confessions (a.k.a the sexual adventures of Audrey & EldeneRed) thread

[herthab]

I went on holiday to Majorca with a mate when I was in my early 20's.

On the 2nd night there, I got totally wrecked (After entering about 10 tequila slammer competitions).

The last my mate saw of me was when I staggered out of Tokyo Joe's at 1 in the morning. The next time he saw me was 7.30, when I arrived back at the hotel in just my underpants, with no recollection of the previous 6 and a half hours.

My money, jeans, shirt, trainers, fags, lighter and hotel key were never found and I never found out what happened.

[Abrahammer]

In Barcelona a few years ago for a mates stag do. After a pretty hefty all day/night session we were making our way back to the hotel, the way we went was crawling with hookers. One African one accosted me and without much persuasion I handed over about $20 so she could suck me off. We headed down some alleyway with me clutching on a bag of the spanish version of wotsits. Unfortunately i was so wrecked that i never got close to getting it up, one of my mates creeped up to get a picture of me eating a bag of wotsits while a hooker tries to get my member going.

I can still picture her looking up at me and saying "You drink? You drink?"

[Gethimout]

Some brilliant little stories on here already! That one with the sanitary towel did catch me off guard as i'm having some lunch whilst reading. Nearly threw the lot back up! Probably one of the most disgusting things i've heard in a while.

[Chubbs]

I regularly steal confectionery from work (just as well it's my last week).

when i worked on the bread and cake section at a supermarket on the late shifts i'd treat myself to a pack of mini rolls throughout the shift. ;-)

[tans]

Went to a house party once and for a laugh took a shit in a kettle.

Wouldnt have liked to have been there for the breakfast cup of tea in the morning

[Batch]

when i worked on the bread and cake section at a supermarket on the late shifts i'd treat myself to a pack of mini rolls throughout the shift. ;-)

On that note when I worked in a supermarket on the dairy section, we'd reduce nice stuff coming up to its use-by to something like 2p and chuck em in the fridge our back so we could buy them later.

zzzzzz. More of a perk of the job story than a Crimewatch tail.

Oh, and Town23 - you sick bastard!

[Freddies Ferret]

i had some fun in the bunker of a golf course. i didnt rake it after either

[Coca Fola]

so was this archway or marling?

Those are secondary schools.   I went to Malorees Primary School in London.

[slinky]

i had some fun in the bunker of a golf course. i didnt rake it after either

Did you build a sand castle?

[jayohaitchenn]

Tame, tame, tame.

I once fucked an underage girl in her mum's bed and used a hairdryer to dry the wet patch. My (now ex) girlfriend was not amused when she found out, luckily I had an understanding family member and a rock solid alibi.

[Coca Fola]

Went to a house party once and for a laugh took a shit in a kettle.

Wouldnt have liked to have been there for the breakfast cup of tea in the morning

[Trashbat?]

Oh, and Town23 - you sick bastard!

I hang my head in shame   

[4D]

I went to a house party once and made tans a cup of tea!

[Summerof69]

I like how I met your mother

So do I.

[Bob's Orange]

I once did 75 in a 70 mile an hour zone.

True story.