A Tale of Woe

[walrus]

I often grace Horsham with my present on my nights out as most of my friends live there on account of going to the local college.  The town's only nightclub, Shelley's, is more a collection of drunks after they've been turfed out the pubs and have nowhere better to go, but I was persuaded to go down by a mate who seemed very keen for me to crash at his.  An argument with his girlfriend later and he'd buggered off home leaving me in the lurch.  Following the Brighton incident he'd been left without a lift home or somewhere to sleep (we were supposed to be sharing a taxi and him crashing at mine, but my mum thinking my mates were with me, as the police told her, cancelled the taxi) I guess he owed me little, so it's my payback, although very few people I know will hear this tail of woe!

Instead of doing the sensible thing and crashing at someone elses, I embarked on sleeping on a park bench outside Horsham station and waiting for the first train home at 5.17am.  It was still 1am so I was in for a long wait, but the night was fairly warm and Horsham is a very safe area.  10 minutes later and I was being constantly bombarded with loud drunks walking past (I was wasted myself but not enough to be annoyed by these lot) so decided to try and find a better bed.  I saw a train parked in the station and considered leaping the fence to get onto a train and sleep there.  However the high fence, and my expensive jeans didn't mix so decided instead to find a level crossing and walk up.  A mile round trip later, and I was approaching Horsham station along the railway line.  Acting as stealthy as someone wasted can, I realised the station was teething with about 10 night workers, so the last 100m had to be done crouching down.  

I then climbed up onto the station platform and sneaked onto the train.  I think slowly made my way to the far end of the train where the lights were off and where it was parked outside the station platform believing I wouldn't be caught.  All this took me over an hour, and just as I settled down to sleep the lights came on and a stern face came to the window.  The blokes were alright with me fortunately, and I merely got a ticking off and escorted out the station.

Went down to my old haunt, but the bench didn't appeal so I tried to sleep in someone's doorway, but the increasing level of lowlife and piercing decibels of the birds singing drove me to embark on a walk home, which is approximately 12 miles.  3am, drunk, confused, I determinedly trudged the streets of Horsham, eventually finding my way onto the main dual carriageway (A24).  I didn't even bother thumbing for a lift as I imagined the state I looked and doubtless no one would stop.  A cocky van driver gave me a couple of toots, which I replied with an equally cock salute, before 30 seconds later a brand new Passett pulled up in front of me and reversed back.  The bloke inside offered me a lift, and by this point my legs were killing me having already walked 3 or 4 odd miles, and my determined trudge had become a weary stagger.

I jumped in, and to my horror I discovered the bloke was a station night worker, but fortunately it transpired he worked at Amberly and not Horsham.  He chauffered me to Broadfield station where I said I'd walk the rest of the way (it was on his way, and I didn't have the guile to ask for a lift all the way to where I live).  So a continuation of my trudge, and by 5.17am exactly, I was entering the estate in which I live.  I was home by 5.30am, and up just now.  My girlfriend is probably seething with me, seeing as I was supposed to be seeing her quite early this morning.

[Kinky Tom]

Blimy, an adventurous night then.  :shock:

[Reg Smeeton]

Probably not an option now, but when I were a youth in similar circumstances the thing to do was check car doors, parked in quiet residential areas until you'd found one open preferably something with a bit of room in the back.....nip in for a bit of kip, then get away early before the owner appeared.

[yeo]

I love your tales of nights out.Do they ever just end with you having a few beers and going home to bed?

Then again I suppose those ones wouldn't be worth telling us about.

Your mates a cunt by the way.

[Asher]

quality!

[Piemonte]

why didnt you just get a taxi?

[Kinky Tom]

why didnt you just get a taxi?

Because he was thinking of which riducolous way to get home would be best for our benefit.  Simply telling he got a taxi home would be boring.

However, I think I would have plumped for a taxi myself.

[magicroundabout]

Probably not an option now, but when I were a youth in similar circumstances the thing to do was check car doors, parked in quiet residential areas until you'd found one open preferably something with a bit of room in the back.....nip in for a bit of kip, then get away early before the owner appeared.

a few years ago a friend of mine parked his car (shitty old Pug 205) accross the road in a car park as he lived in a flat.

He did this for months until one day when he went to the car he noticed his seats were lead down. Car was locked so he thought nothing of it as he thought it was his missus from the night before. Anyway, this continued for about a month until one day he went to his car an hour earlier to see a tramp getting out and locking it

He shouted accross at him "what the fuck you playing at??" to which the tramp replyed " i lock the fucking thing for you don't i!!"

[Kinky Tom]

That's a good story MR.  

[Ben Wah Balls]

Now you go can say you used to sleep rough just like Shane Richie. He was homeless too you know, he used to sleep on a park bench.

[walrus]

Taxi would have been about 20-30 squid, plus they tend to need booking in advance.  Occassionally I come home on the last train and wake up in my own bed like normal people, but as you say, those nights aren't worth repeating.

[Piemonte]

in that case then running a taxi is clearly the way forward young walrus.