Thetownend.com

I was still bored, so I also wrote this.

Worst 10 Town players I have seen.

1.   Jason Drysdale

He had pedigree – a good career at Watford and time spent at Newcastle – and he cost a good deal of money.  So why couldn’t Drysdale kick a football correctly?  He seemed at times to have square feet, the ball ricocheting off them at unpredictable angles.  Watching him try to cross a football was like watching a children playing football with a rugby ball – superficially entertaining but heartbreaking at the same time.  His career after leaving us – a bit of time at Bishop’s Stortford and not a lot else – shows how far his stock fell through his performances.   The wonderfull fanzier THe 69er once described Drysdale as “genuinely no-footed”.  They were not being unkind.  Perplexing, puzzling – and downright awful.

2.   Shaun Close

Middle name “that wasn’t”.  I was very young when watching Shaun Close play for us, but my Dad recalls an occasion when I asked him “why doesn’t our number 9 play like the other players?  He doesn’t kick it properly and never kicks it towards the goal”.  Which I like to think is as accurate a review as I’ve ever given a player.  There isn’t really anything specific I can add to that – he just wasn’t a footballer.  Although somehow he was.

3.   Frazer McHugh

It seems unkind to put him so high, as he was a very young player in a very poor team.  But McHugh seemed strangely immobile for a young man.  He couldn’t run.  He barely walked.  And when he got on the ball he seemed frozen with panic.  I’m not sure I ever saw him give the ball to another town player.  I was staggered a few years after leaving us when he reappeared, first at Bradford and then Notts County, but he soon disappeared again.  One of the very few players I genuinely thought I could equal – and I am a very mediocre Sunday league footballer.

4.   Adrian Bakalli

The strangest 45 minutes of football from a player I think I’ve ever seen.  Playing the first 45 minutes away at Stoke after we had secured safety, Bakalli wandered around the pitch as though on a stroll through the Town Gardens with a happily sedated look on his face, blissfully unaware of the game of football going on around him.  Bizarre.

5.   Neil Webb

“We’ve signed an England international on loan” my Dad told me.  Great!  He’s bound to be something special.  But hang on – where is he, and while I’m asking questions, who’s that fat bloke panting after 3 minutes?  “That’s him” admits the old man.  Clearly coming to us to try to regain some sort of fitness, Webb was as out of shape as a footballer could be.   Looking back it seems quite sad for a player of his ability to look so poor, so unfit, so patently past his best.  At the time, it was just immensely frustrating.

6.   Mark McCammon

Rubbish.  Next.

7.   Ricky Shakes

He did seem to – every time the ball came near him.  Like many a deceptive winger, he had pace, but at no point in his career did he have control of the ball.  I don’t think he ever knew any more than I did what he was actually trying to do.  Certainly, it wasn’t effective.  Just incredible infuriating.

8.   Jamie Slabber

Made McCammon seem OK.  No pace.  No strength.  No movement.  No goals.  No point.

9.   Adrian Viveash

So bad we signed him twice.  That might seem unkind on poor Adi, who managed 69 appearances with us in two spells (inaccuracy alert!  I used Wikipedia to get the stats.  Look them up yourself if you care that much…) But he once lined up – I believe at Chesterfield, but happy to be corrected – in a back three with Matt Heywood and Alan Reeves, and he made the other two seem quick on the turn.  He was fine if the ball was dropping towards his head, and his distribution wasn’t awful.  But he could only defend an area the size of his own bottom.  We knew this about him, and we signed him again.  Unbelievable.

10.   Lee Collins

Of all the things Steve McMahon did – and I believe a quick search through this very forum may well explain some of these in detail – signing Lee Collins may seem rather trifling.  But he really was poor.  He liked to tackle – actually I’ll rephrase that – he liked to throw himself at opposing players, regardless of their proximity to the ball.  But he couldn’t control it.  Or himself.   He played like a rapid dog with a firework located in his tail-adjacent orifice.  Unsurprisingly signed for Blackpool to kick people by the sea, his career really faltered when McMahon stopped signing him.

Those who nearly made it: Paul McAreavey, Jimmy Glass, Paul Hunt, Richard Dryden, Lawrie Sanchez, Gary Elkins.

kim heiselberg,
Ibrahim Atiku..

I think loan players should be exempt from the list.

For delicious villainy, Joey Beauchamp would be in mine.

Oh and Shakes or O'Brien. Not much to choose between them..

David Peach

Roy Greenwood

Comazzi, Lanzano, Cibocchi, Magera and Risser from last season.

Rose, Frampton, Dossevi, O'Brien and Benyon from 10/11. (edit: forgot Prutton. How the fuck did I forget Prutton?)

Hutchinson from 09/10.



Give it a few years and I think Troy Archibald-Henville will go down as one. Cost us a fair transfer fee, put us in an embargo, unimpressive when he has played and spent most of the season out injured retweeting photos of women with big arses.

Pretty much most of our crap players have been in the last 12 years or so, wouldnt agree with Viveash, He was crap on his debut, came on as a sub and was then subbed 20 mins later, but was good the rest of his original spell, Worst I've seen was Roy Greenwood and David Peach not mentioned, Mccammon probably the worst ever though.

Bertie Brayley

Michael Rose

* Bingo... Not mentioned when i was typing :)

Gareth fucking Whalley.

Kilcline, Mcavennie, Sanchez.....

Oh and Paul Hunt

John Buttigieg

Blair Sturrock.

Steve Adams, made Pook look like Iniesta.

Slabber was alright. He played well with Parkin, they were a productive partnership.

Vincent Pericard and Trevor fucking Benjamin - both much worse.

Lee Collins was harsh in my opinion (although I seem to be the only person who thought he was any good).

Wasn't Gareth Hall a bit shit?

My sentiments exactly!!

Cibo had good games and bad, but more good than bad. Risser was the same, but Risser was pretty solid as far as ball-winning midfielders go, and a decent CB at times when called upon. Poor old Magera never really got started did he?

Lanzano, however, was fucking shite. I remember the home game against Hereford where a mate in the away section texted me at half time asking if our keepers were injured and we'd had to put in an outfield player. I've seen better goalies playing at university.

Dean Hooper.

'A lemming with a hair cut' as a mate described him at the time

Sanchez may be a cunt, but he did provide some decent humour with us by warming up at the same end as Man Utd in the home game, getting in their way.

I'd have Pook in the list, he just fucking made me livid that I'd never knuckled down as a kid and took football seriously.  He didn't take to well to me telling him how to take a corner when they were out with a pre match routine about 2 hours before the game (under Wise I think).  Didn't even get the ball off the fucking floor.

Close.

Paul Hunt - wasn't that bad, but thought he was worth a spot in the 92/93 team, really?

He wasn't that bad, just incredibly average.

In recent memory it's been Whalley, Benjamin, Thorpe, Shakes, Comyn-Platt, McPhee, Aaron Brown, Blackburn, Steve Adams, Mohamed, Kanyuka, Ashikodi, Casal, Nalis, Pericard, Hutchinson, Nouble, O'Brien, Rose, Frampton, Prutton, Dossevi, Benyon, Obika, N'Diaye, Lanzano, Comazzi, Boateng, Murray, Risser.... That's an awful lot of shite in less than 10 years. Imagine a squad made up of those players.

Not to mention 'Monster Gecko'

David Peach came to Swindon as the big i am, ex captain of saints, cost us £150000 and the first match he played for us we lose 6-2 at Millwall, I really used to abuse him from the townend when he took corners, I think in the end he must have hated me , hehehe  :smugfu:

Worst goalkeeper has to be Frank Haffey who Bert Head signed in 1964. Best known as the Scot who let in 9 goals in an international against England, all Town fans at that time could see why.

Peter Holcroft. Remember him?

Looked like a smackhead and was absolute shite. I think he only played once.

Forgot to add to my list

Joey Beauchump - who must, pound for pound, be the worst ever - notwithstanding he was an Oxford twat.

We pissed best part of a million squid on him.

Disagree...Frank saved a pen on his home debut v Ipswich, and we went on to beat them 3-1. He only played 4 games for us, so a major contribution in a good win, shouldn't be undervalued...October 64.

Gary Elkins.  Shite.

Petr Mikolanda

Kim Hellsingborg (Or something like that).

Peach would be my choice too. Our biggest signing ever at the time, supposedly bought with what was left of the Rogers fee so a lot was expected from him. Cocky sod as well as slow and crap.

Released on a free two years later, which says it all.

I think virtually every 'big money' signing we've made has turned out to be real dog shit

Peach
Drysdale
Beauchump

Ben Hutchinson was underated by some on here.

Not all, Fjortoft cost a few quid and he turned out to be quite good (in the end)

I think the Beauchamp thing is a bit of a myth.  He gets a bad press because:

(a) he did blow hot & cold;
(b) the Oxford association (and that he did well for them vs us after going back there);
(c) comparisons with Nicky Summerbee, who he effectively replaced; and
(d) the fact that we offloaded him to Oxford for substantially less than we paid for him.

But look through all that, and there was a player who was very comfortable on the ball and one of the best crossers we've had in recent years.  He was very creative, and played some blinders for us.  The image of him running over to embrace John Gorman in the dug out after scoring against Wolves is still one I remember well.

In short, you have to remember the good with the bad.  It's convenient for many reasons, and particularly because he was an Oxford boy first & foremost, to think 'well I never liked him anyway'.  But he would be nowhere near any 'worst 10 players' list of mine.  I happened to be living in Oxford when he signed for us and I can tell you that it did not go down well with the locals.  For that reason alone, I think I quite liked him.

He worked hard, and I never disliked him. But he looked and played like an accountant who'd been thrown up front by his dad because he'd told him he always wanted to be a footballer.

David Prutton
Michael Rose
Bertie Brayley

Behave, Blair always put a shift in

Eric Sabin(ho)..............but always fun to watch.

Quite right his first match was very promising. Can I change my mind and nominate Alan Spratley?

Jason Drysdale #1 without a doubt. Surprised no Gareth Whalley, what a giant waste of space he was.

Neal Ruddock. Fat,useless & bled us for every penny he could.

In the last decade Ricky Shakes is the one that sticks out in my mind. First touch of a rapist and the one on one he had when clean through vs Walsall was fucking dreadful.
Plus he put videos of himself dancing on youtube. Cunt....

I remember this very well Rob!! It was Wise pissing himself as you told pook that did it for me!!

Darren Bullock always grated with me, as did Keith Scott - not sure about the latter although he could not trap a bag of cement.

 Prutton and Douglas ,maybe not the worst but definitely my  most dis-liked ,

Most mentioned, and I'd like to add Bobby Howe to my list...used to go round in circles and personally thought he was shite as well!

Alan Navarro's heading unerringly in this direction at the moment.

But he did play sexy football.

He has a bloody long way to go though, unless you only been watching town for about 2 seasons

Tommy Jenkins,Ray Bunkell,Shaun Close,Neil Ruddock,Alan Young,Brian Kilcline,Micky French,Jimmy Gabriel,Dave Mackay,Martin Williams

Micky French - I'd forgotten about him. Shaun Close, Darren Bullock, David Peach, Colin Barratt, Andy Rollings, Jake Findlay, Simon Gibson, Mark Seagraves, Mark Robinson, Jason Drysdale. Allegedly David Peach was a confirmed alky and Jason allegedly liked his herbs.

Same as with Prutton, it's one thing just being one of our worst players, it's another to also be one of the top paid. 

Then the lack of effort, ability and passion really start to gall.

Big club, big chumps Simon Gibson and Nicky Tanner
Biblical eunuchs Jimmy Gabriel and Gary Emmanuel
Goal shy midgets Tony Thorpe and Shaun Close

Bit harsh on Mark Robinson?  I had to look this up to confirm, but he made a staggering 271 appearances for the Club over 8 seasons (from 1994 to 2002).  Admittedly it was a pretty ropey 8 years for the club, but even still.

Automatic reaction is to suggest Bobby Howe. But part of me thinks that he suffered from Kingisms and Bobby "not a defensive midfielder" Howe, actually suffered the same as David "not a fucking left back" Duke.

I saw ol' bobby howe put in a decent performance one match when he was allowed to roam forwards, which is what I'm basing this on. As in other threads, I may have imagined this.

Fuck me! There are some horrors there I'd forgotten about.

Might have to put Dazza Bullock in the underrated category on the basis of his nominations here - a long way from it, surely even if there was something of being McMuck's choice

Loved how he once just walked towards a flinching tackler, no raised hand but with such an intimidating posture that he received a booking for nothing tangible!

Also witnessed him bludgeon numerous sixes in an off-season club cricket match on the basis of a good eye and a fair amount of strength even tho' no cricketer.

OK so not exactly an Ardiles type player but he put in some hard and effective shifts in a mediocre town team.

David Duke?

He was fucking shit when we signed him for big money £600k?? and he continued to be consistently fucking shit for the next 8 years. In terms of transfer fee, wages and logevity of career in a Town shirt he's probably the worst. For pure emotional value its bumchum but for hard cash Robbo took us to the fucking cleaners.

Mark Robinson and Ian Culverhouse were both ever present in the 95/96 league winning season. You don't need a fucking football science degree to know which was better. (answer is kevin horlock)

Has anyone mentioned Nalis yet?

Not a bad player but who was the player we had on loan from Everton(during Mcmahon era) who looked like Rodney from only fools and horse's

Tony Grant?

Robinson was garbage, Newcastle fucking saw us coming getting £1mill for him and Drysdale from us.

AS Bobs says that was Tony Grant, a damn good midfielder that went on to play for Man City and Burnley.

[url width=200 height=387]http://pictures.footymad.net/upload/104/104488-1.jpg[/url]

Tony Grant was pretty good.

Can I introduce you to Marko Tuomela?

Thanks

For the fact that Darren Bullock was never really a footballer, so must be crap, he did rather impressively get a QPR player sent off after Bullock stode to him and picked him off the florr by his neck.  Unsurprisingly the QPR player reacted with flaling arms and got sent off.  Bullock escaped punishment.  I remember looking at him when he lost it, you could see he was going to do something, so avoiding being even booked (IIRC) was really quite brilliant.

The red was for a dangerous tackle. Darren got a yellow for retaliating.

EDIT: I found the match and you were right. Darren was already on a yellow as well. What a genius!

http://swindon-town-fc.co.uk/MatchCentre.asp?MatchID=19980116

Terry Gibson..

Milan Misun.....just for all the has he signed, hasn't he signed? drama

SOME RECENTS: Petr Mikolanda, Daniel Boateng, Ben Hutchinson, Vincent Pericard, Nicky Nicolau, Lloyd Opara, Jamie McMaster, Patrick Collins, Colin Heath, Trevor Benjamin, Tony Thorpe, Aaron Brown, Albert Jarrett, Mauro Almedia, Steve Adams, Ibon Arrieta, Franklin Anzite, Yinka Casal, Hamdi Razak, Lillian Nalis, Gareth Whalley, Patrick Noubissee, Alex Rhodes, Kevin James, Andy Lonergan, Frank Nouble, Alan O'Brien, Elliot Benyon, Thomas Dossevi, Alassanne N'Diaye, Calvin Andrew, Mattia Lanzano, Alberto Comazzi, Johnathan Tehoue,

thats abit harsh he had kidney failure a few months after leaving us.

I've never understood the slating of Bullock. He's exactly the type of player that most British football fans love - not over endowed in the skill department but always gave his all and never ever pulled out of a tackle. Maybe it's because he was a McMahon signing that he was never taken to by Town fans (my wife couldn't stand him).........if he had been signed by anyone else he might have been a hero.

Ask any Huddersfield fan about him and they'll tell you he is a legend for them.

My 10 worst:

Jason Drysdale
Brian Kilcline
Nigel Gray
Colin Barrett
Terry Fenwick
Tony Evans
Gary Emanuel
Vincent Pericard
Thomas Dossevi
Tony Thorpe

I'd have picked Viveash but I always felt sorry for him and really wanted him to do well. The sad fact is, though, that he was one of those players who always produced a worried groan whenever his name was announced over the tannoy as being in the team.

Darren Bullock was my favourite player when I was a kid.

Viveash was awful for us but skippered two sides to promotion. Credit due there I think. I'd go for alot of our Prem players. Infact most of em

Frank mc a cunting vennie
Lawrie Sanchez
brian redneck kilcline
Jon sheffield

I cannot remember a worse goalkeeper at the club than Frank Talia, I do not have a single memory of him catching a ball. I do remember him arguing with people outside route 66 on cheap drink sundays though. Have we ever had a worse goalie?

i remember him getting shit in Rudi's aswell , he was poor to be fair

Fucked some decent women here to be fair to him.

peter thorne was the one , dirty , dirty man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04OKjEZ2bcE

 :D lucky he hasnt had his dick cut off by the sound of it

Griemink was glued to his goal line, couldn't catch, kick or throw and I don't recall him being very good at shot stopping either.

Lanzano was the worst I've seen, disaster waiting to happen and it finally came against Burton. 10 goals conceded in 5 and a bit games

And he had a shit name.

For someone who was "glued to his goal line", I'm pretty sure Griemink got sent off twice for hand ball outside the wassit box*.

*This is from memory, not official stats. And it's pretty unimportant because he was a bit shit.

He was still 10 times the keeper Glass was though!


I have no idea what we say in him in order to sign him. "disaster waiting to happen" is a perfect description.

He was Italian, and PDC didn't know what was needed for League Two

Lanzano is comfortably the worst keeper I have seen in my 35 odd years of watching the Town, the only one that came close was Alistair Sperring who on his debut (and only ever game for Swindon) let in 5 goals at home in the 80's to Bristhole Rovers, he couldn't catch, he couldn't throw, he couldn't kick and obiously wasn't a shot stopper either, and despite being 6 foot 5 was not good at coming out for crosses.

Wierdly he was at Southampton at the time who were them in the top flight, made one appearance for Saints also in the League Cup (Milk Cup) and in the process concussed Mark Wright coming out for a cross and subsiquently Saints got beaten by a team from 3 divisions lower than them also ending Sperrings career as a league footballer.

http://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/football/southampton/fb_news.php?storyid=13118

It didn't help having Simon Fat Cunt Gibson in front of him that game.

what about Jake Findlay only here about 10 weeks, must have upset macari

Rollings and Gilchrist, anyone?

Edwin Murray

Surely Carlisle away buys him a bit of a break.

Frank Talia was Player of the Year!

Hewlett had no redeeming features as I recall.

I used to play in the same team as him. His dad used to train us and get us to do stretches and the like. One hamstring stretch always use to make his bollocks hang down outside his shorts - quite amusing when you're 14

Was Gilchrist that bad? From memory he was Danny Williams last signing (i could be wrong on that); so Bob Smith didn't play him a lot because of that. I thought his scoring record for the number of games played wasn't that bad (i could be wrong on that as well!)

Gilchrist has no place on this list. He was Ok as a player, past his best and injuries were forcing the end of his career. He was also a top bloke and incredibly modest. Also used to go and watch the Town after he retired. 

Agreed