jayohaitchenn
Wielder of the BANHAMMER
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Posts: 12534
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« Reply #705 on: Friday, December 11, 2015, 17:28:56 » |
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Andi Peters
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Flashheart
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« Reply #706 on: Friday, January 22, 2016, 11:35:56 » |
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How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
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Sippo
Living in the 80s
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Posts: 15588
I ain't gettin on no plane fool
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« Reply #707 on: Friday, January 29, 2016, 10:11:59 » |
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A lorry carrying snooker equipment crashed on the M6 earlier today. Apparently, the cues went back for miles. Police said the driver was under a rest.
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If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit...
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4D
Or not 4D that is the question
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Posts: 21952
I can't bear it 🙄
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« Reply #708 on: Friday, January 29, 2016, 10:46:11 » |
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Did he put the triangle out?
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #709 on: Monday, February 29, 2016, 11:57:13 » |
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There's a hot new band: 1023MB, but they haven't got a gig yet.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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skiptotheLouMacari
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« Reply #710 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 12:24:48 » |
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A lion has outlived his use at the West Midlands safari park and is shipped out to a retirement facility. An older lion approaches him and asks "did you come here to die"? To which the first lion answers "No i got here yesterdie"
I'll get me coat.
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reeves4england
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Posts: 15995
We'll never die!
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« Reply #711 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 14:52:34 » |
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Pretty sure that joke was in an episode of Dad's Army. The old ones are the best, eh?
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horlock07
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Posts: 18728
Lives in Northern Bastard Outpost
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« Reply #712 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 15:48:26 » |
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I've just eaten a very hot curried alphabet spaghetti, when I go to the toilet tomorrow it could spell disaster....
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #713 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 15:54:37 » |
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Somebody broke in and stole my dictionary.
I am lost for words.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Tails
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Posts: 10011
Git facked
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« Reply #714 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 17:12:08 » |
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This bloke says to me 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books'
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dave_bambers_right_sock
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Posts: 866
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« Reply #715 on: Friday, March 4, 2016, 10:03:18 » |
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I Went to the butchers this morning and he said to me, "I bet you can't reach those two pieces of meat up there"
I said, "I'm not betting"
He said, "Why not?"
I said, "The steaks are too high"
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Yesterday I was on the Tube and a bloke was teaching his dog to play the trumpet.
It was amazing. We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.
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I had trouble putting my son in the shopping trolley at the supermarket today he screamed, shouted and made a really big scene at Tescos, at 25 you'd think he'd know better!!
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« Last Edit: Friday, March 4, 2016, 10:04:49 by dave_bambers_right_sock »
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Peter Venkman
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #716 on: Friday, March 4, 2016, 15:35:51 » |
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I actually invented the word "pseudonym". Don't bother looking it up because I did it under another name.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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suttonred
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Posts: 12510
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« Reply #717 on: Saturday, March 5, 2016, 11:51:55 » |
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Has someone found a Les Dawson joke book and been sharing it round?
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Peter Venkman
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #718 on: Saturday, March 5, 2016, 12:08:19 » |
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Has someone found a Les Dawson joke book and been sharing it round?
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #719 on: Wednesday, May 4, 2016, 13:23:32 » |
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As it's May the Fourth I'm taking Luke Kennard out for lunch to a Chinese restaurant.
He's an amiable chap but a bit of a bumbler.
He'll use the chopsticks but make a bit of a mess and I know that at some point I'll need to lean over and say:
"Use the forks, Luke."
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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