Suggestions for expanding thetownend.com

[sonicyouth]

These fake profiles are superb. Keep 'em coming!

[reeves4england]

David Duke.

Defender

[Piemonte]

Very good reeves

[flammableBen]

Bit long this one, got a bit carried away...........

STEFANI MIGLIORANZI:

One of the best examples of manager Andy King's ability to wheel and deal in the transfer market, Miglioranzi was signed from a bloke he met in the pub at the cost of 3 ciggarettes and a slightly out of fous nude picture of Kings wife.

Stefani became a firm fan favorite and a key member of the Swindon midfield, but his time at the club was doomed to end unhappily. The downward spiral started when an adver photographer caught him sleeping with a prostitute. Under a lot of pressure stories of his cocaine addiction soon followed.

Sacked by the club, his family and friends having left him, with no money, and little prospect of another team taking a chance on him, things had hit rock bottom. Miglioranzi was left homeless, wandering the streets of old town.

Fortunately his story doesn't end with a lonely death in the Wood Street gutter. After a fifteen year old school girl chucked him a few quid while he was begging on the streets, she soon discovered that a herpes had strangley cleared up. The church declared it a miricle and Stefani soon found himself St. Miglioranzi.

The queues to donate money became endless, but instead of taking advantage of his luck, St. Miglioranzi took it upon himself to join the priesthood as a way of showing his devotion to the got which had helped when he was down on his luck. Within 5 years he was named Pope Princess Diana II, a role in which he bacame famous in the catholic church for his leniant views on abortion and contraception.

[Simon Pieman]

ERIC " MASTER-CHEF" SABIN:

Eric Sabin's career as a top t.v. chef was cut short by a horrific kitchen accident that left the world in shock. Doctors said it was a miracle how fellow chef Anthony Worrell Thompson had pulled out Eric from the firery bellows of the kitchen. With his career in tatters, Eric almost took his own life. However a man named Andy King (who later became St. Andy - Provider of Jobs) took pity on Eric and rescued him from his nightmare.

It soon became apparent that Eric's abilities as a chef were useful on the pitch at Swindon. His speed at slicing open a defence was "the quickest outside the Premiership," and Eric soon became the topic of great discussion all over the world. The icing on Eric's cake was being named World Player of the Year, just three years after his suicide attempt.

Eric never fully recovered from the shock of losing his career as a master-chef and soon became tired with his mundane job in football. Although many of his colleagues turned to cocaine and alcohol to sooth their hurts, Eric decided their was a huge gap in his life, and helping others became his 'high' - teaching less fortunate kids how to cook.

Eric's current whereabouts are not known, many hypothesising that he moved to Northampton, others say he became a monk and resides in Tibet. Wherever he may be, Eric Sabin touched the hearts of many and will always be watching over the good people of Swindon.

[Whits]

Sonic, have you seen phpnuke? can be intergrated with the phpbb and then you can link the members to the website might be worth a gander if your mate doesn't come up with the goods

[sonicyouth]

Yeah mate, seen a few websites with it. It's quite handy and functional but wasn't very customisable last time I looked. I also find it tends to look half-arsed and lazy whereas if my mate is willing to knock us up a quality design for nothing (except maybe a bottle of tequila, hohoho) then we're sorted I reckon  

[Ben Wah Balls]

Jason Drysdale - After the departure of the great Pharoahe Fjortoft iin the 1994/1995 season a gaping chasm was left in the Swindon side. Boss "Slaphead Steve" Mcmahon was left the job of filling this gap akin to trying to fill the grand canyon with polyfilla.

Against all the odds Mcmahon pulled it off signing the masterful Jason "Dangerous Drysdale" so called for his tough-tackling no nonsense style. Drysdale provided the backbone for the Swindon defence and shored it up so well that the side that had conceded 100 goals just the season before did not concede a single goal for the rest of the season.

The next season Drysdale was ever present and captained the side which won the second division championship, which without him wouldn't have been possible, the club setting a new record with just 4 goals conceded all season and none at home.

When Jaunty Jason finally left at the end of the 1997/1998 season his replacement Jimmy Glass failed to appease the fans who hounded Mcmahon out immediately and forced him to resign at gunpoint.

Swindon were relegated soon after.

[Dazzza]

Nice one BWB!  

Drysdale's real profile would be close to unbelievable anyway.

Activated SEPTiMUS, appologies for the delay.

[Reg Smeeton]

Jason's nickname amongst the players was Lord Lucan....I once got to go in the changing room before kick off,  it was youth coach Tommy Wheeldon doing the formalities, who introduced me to Lord Lucan...not Jason Drysdale (he wasn't playing)

[Amir]

Jason's nickname amongst the players was Lord Lucan

   That's pretty good for footballers.


RHYS EVANS

Born in a Park North dustbin at the age of 12, Rhys was always destined to become a Swindon legend.  Perenially unpopular at school because of his stupid Welsh name, Rhys got his big break when he was made keeper of the school team due to the absense of a fat kid.

He moved to a bin in Knightsbridge after leaving school and was spotted by Ken Bates who was looking in the bin for Leeds United(he eventually found them some years later).  A transfer to Swindon came about a couple of years later after many at the club felt Rhys might intimidate incoming keeper Peter Cech.

Evans officially became a Swindon legend in the 2005/6 season, when he saved 9 penalties in one match(including 3 for his own team.  Also owner of the World's most powerful kick, Rhys would sometimes kick the ball the whole way around the planet in the blink of an eye, and in fact only appearing to spoon the ball out of touch/to an opposing foward.

[yeo]

Jason's nickname amongst the players was Lord Lucan

 , Rhys got his big break when he was made keeper of the school team due to the absense of a fat kid.

.

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick

[sonicyouth]

Also owner of the World's most powerful kick, Rhys would sometimes kick the ball the whole way around the planet in the blink of an eye, and in fact only appearing to spoon the ball out of touch/to an opposing foward.

Superb!

[Dazzza]

He moved to a bin in Knightsbridge after leaving school and was spotted by Ken Bates who was looking in the bin for Leeds United(he eventually found them some years later).

Had me in stiches that bit  

[Kinky Tom]

Luc Nijholt.

Luc. a Dutch Dolf Lundgren porn star lookalike, was spotted by then Swindon manager John Gorman whilst looking through his friend, and ex-colleague, Glenn Hoddle's porn collection.

Knowing of Glenn's faith, John was a little shocked to discover said collection, but none the less felt it would be wrong to not compare facial hair with the stars of the collection, and his own moustachioed self.

While enjoying taking notes on grooming from the hairy germans starring in the videos, John noticed a curious looking fellow, going by his porn name of 'Clint Morgan'.  Now John had never seen such a fellow in Glenn's collection before, you see 'Clint' had no facial hair whatsoever.

Taking an interest in this anomoly, John did some detective work.  While rooting around John found that 'Clint's' real name was in fact Luc Nijholt.  Now John was uncomfortable with the lack of hair on Luc's face, and flew to Holland to offer advice growing a fine moustach.

Upon his arrival at one of Luc's video shoots Luc spotted John and rushed over  completely naked (Sonic can describe that) and told John he couldn't believe he was here.  Apparently Luc had long been an admirer of John's upper lip hair, and undoubted, yet un-tried, managerial capabilities.

Luc told John that he once played a game of football and enjoyed it very much, and would relish the opportunity of a career change, partly motivated by the lack of hair on his face holding him back in his current job.

John imediately took pity on Luc and offered him a starting place in Swindon's midfield for their following, historic season in the Premiership.

Oddly Luc proved an instant hit at the County Ground, and went on to win many plaudits in the game, helping the Robins to concede exactly 100 goals in his first season, Luc sadly disappeared never to be seen again.

Some say he returned to his roots in porn, others claim he went on to run Holland's most successfull ever Moustache grooming salon, while most accept that Luc simply faded into obscurity, a pale shadow of his former self.  Sadened by his chance meeting with hero, and ultimately underinspiring, John Gorman, who many feel ruined his career, Luc has never to this day been seen in public.